#Love707

In dating and relationships, people tend to take the road most frequently traveled, they attempt to play it safe, not going against the grain. If we won’t be our true selves – faults, insecurities, hurts and all, how is the right person supposed to get to know us? Why tip toe around subjects or issues to avoid healthy conflict? It’s in the ingredients where we find our weaknesses and our growth. It’s in the confusion that we find clarity. Working through it all, is where we can find each other.

Tiffany Michellé 💋

 

The Wounded ♥

It is the responsibility of a mindful person to recognize the lack of healing within another person however it is not their duty to fix said person. An aware person shouldn’t advise the unhealed; if they choose they should only ask the appropriate questions in order to guide the other person back to themselves. They can and maybe should decide to walk away depending on the level of imbalance.

I said that to say this (I know some of you are Leman’s terms folks):

When you’re in the dating game and you meet someone who is everything you desire but you aren’t everything you’re asking for, understand if that person either decides not to date you or insists on taking their time to get to know you instead of rushing into a relationship.

A whole/complete person is one that is emotionally healed and who practices Emotional Intelligence. They seek within themselves for advice. If they seek outside of themselves for advice, they do this with a person who is also emotionally intelligent.

Non-egotistically, they understand they need nothing from anyone, including you. This can become an issue because most people haven’t gotten to a point to where they’re secure enough, not to be needed.

A more detrimental issue arises when a person doesn’t recognize that they’re not healed or they realize it but ignore it. Most unhealed people depend on other people’s presence to temporarily “fix” them. They ignore their internal issues and allow themselves to be jaded. Once the emotional high has subsided; their unhealed pain rises. This dysfunctional cycle is normally repeated.

Serious contemplation needs to take place when it comes to deciding whether to date an “unwhole” person, due to the fact that it takes patience and internal peace to endure the process of allowing a person to grow into them-selves to eventually become healthy, healed and whole. This is a process that some folks are not willing to endure and that choice should be respected and not taken personal.

Some indicators of possible unresolved emotional issues:

• Feeling incomplete or uncomfortable when you are not in relationship
• Attracting ineffective people into your life on a consistent basis
• Putting your true desires second to keep someone in your life
• Settling for less than you want
• Feeling like you are not enough

My advice to you:

Be honest with yourself in regard to possible unresolved emotional issues. If you don’t feel you can be truthful with yourself, seek help. These concerns are almost certainly affecting you and your relationships. Do what you can to heal, not for someone else but for yourself.

Much ♥ and until next time,

 

The Spine-Chilling Tales of Poor Sapp #Single-ton

“Tough world being Single, truly is. I have observed what some of my single friends and associates go thru and I’d be scared to be in the dating world. We have even produced events for singles and will do so again cause we know it is rough.”

My reaction after I read the quote above>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

 

If you’re happy and single by choice, raise your hand! (Raises hand) If you’re sad and lonely because you’re still waiting on Mr. or Misses Right to appear out of a bright light in the sky and save you, come here suga dumplings and give me a hug…Cute lil thing. (Cops a feel)

PSA: Being single is not like having the plague.

I was skimming instagram today and I came across the quote posted above and I must be honest in saying, the shenanigans (a pretty word for shit) bothered me. You see, I have an issue when people make being single seem like having a disease that can only be cured by another person. Why? Because while some of us are attempting to bring sunshine into people’s lives, others are making them feel less than based upon their relationship status. ✔ marking a box indicating you’re SINGLE doesn’t make you a poor unfortunate soul just as being in a relationship doesn’t automatically provide you with infinite orgasmic goodness.

Why must people continue to correlate being single with being unhappy or assume that everyone who is single, is single and looking? Some prefer companionship over a committed relationship, others might find joy in having options and some are perfectly content being by themselves. The preferences go on and on and everyones’ differ.

If someone reading this tidbit already felt bad about being single beforehand, they might just be suicidal afterwards.

(DON’T KILL YOURSELF!!! WE’D MISS YOU!!)

People let’s stop with all the “my situation is happier aka better than yours because …” ways of thinking. If it wasn’t the writer’s intention to make being single sound scary and grim, he should’ve remained mute until he figured out how not to sound like he was cramming all single people into this tight fitting, locker room stinky and spooky box. Different doesn’t necessarily mean bad just as being single doesn’t signify negativity or someone not being enough. Single people don’t need sympathy, we need healthy self esteem to be able to deal with the unwarranted societal stereotypes and stigmas placed on us by who knows who and who knows what.

So how about this, instead of writing about your cretinous scenarios of the single life, if you must share, buy us single folk some buttered popcorn, lightly salted along with some peach schnapps with a gigantic drop of vodka and tell us all about the delectable delights of your particular relationship or you can wait until we are all white girl wasted and tell us how rough you believe being single is. We won’t remember a damn thing ☺.

Until next time my sweet little suga pops!

Tiffany Michellé

Click here to learn more about me, the beautiful and sexy author and blogger Tiffany Michellé

 

What’s not said, what’s not there ~ The ♥ illusion

So you’re single and looking. You’re on every free dating site known to man. You bring yourself to get out of the house and you attend as many community events as your schedule allows. You put on your big girl panties and try speed dating. You’re really making a conscious effort to think outside of the box. You go on dates with people you’re not attracted to, just in case they have a cute friend. You’re determined to find someone or allow them to find you.

After a series of unfortunate affairs, you meet someone! They are unquestionably fabulous! They’re stunning, smart and sexy. They’re absolutely everything you listed in your “what I want in a mate” journal.

The catch: One day while having blissful conversation, they drop the “F” bomb in your lap!

“I’m not looking for a relationship; I’m only interested in being FRIENDS.”

You act as if you’re ok with it but inside you really feel like someone just stole your brand new cute little fluffy puppy or came in 30 seconds, whichever is worse. You just met but you felt like this could develop into something beautiful being that they’re everything you want. If they asked, you would’ve totally thrown out every precaution and walked down the aisle followed by a lifetime of sweet, sweaty, sensual and in some states illegal, sexual escapades.

In that exact moment, there’s a vital opportunity to practice an ultimate act of self-actualization. You could respond, “Ok well, I AM seeking a relationship and I’d rather get to know someone who has the same goal,” BUT you don’t. You go along with what you don’t want. You put your desires on the back burner. You continue getting to know them, knowing you’re totally attracted to them, you want more than a friendship with them and they don’t want the same. In the back of your head you’re thinking, “If they get to know me and see how wonderful I am, they’ll change their mind” and your heart suffers continuing to long for something that isn’t there.

Until next time my sweet little pumpkin nutty balls,

Tiffany Michellé

Photo Credit: Just another painting sexy man. by ~aenaluck on deviantART

 

Forevermore…

What do you say when your mind stops, when the wind no longer blows, the yearn grows and it grows. What do you do when the words cease to be, when the dirt is no longer moist, when silence is your sole choice. What do you say when you’re speech lacks tone, when your voice is gone, when you are speechless, when silence lingers.

I think of moments in time when I was loved. A time when he held me close and I was the safest girl in the world. Moments when he would touch me in places never unearthed before. His finger tips caressed my soul. We loved. We laughed. We were the stars in each others eyes. My Moon. His Earth. He was my god. I, his goddess. When the world would sleep, his mind would scream, his heart would weep. When the sun rised, different was he. He’d become distant. As if he’d never been here before. Reaching deep within the confides of silent solitude, out of loves reach. Thoughts became unfamiliar, pain peculiar, a space unknown. I loved him as I never loved. My mind wanders, my heart desiring to hear his words again and forevermore but his spirit is with me no more.
~ Tiffany Michellé

 

Busy Lil Bumble T!!!

My sweet little love buckets!!!! Oh how I’ve missed you!! I’ve been so busy with the tshirt line that I’ve neglected to swing by and show you some love. Life is going well and I hope all is well with you too.

So lets give a dating update………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Did you hear that? Its called silence. That’s how my dating experiences has been lately. Quiet as hell lol.

About a month or so ago I created another dating profile and at no surprise to me, I’ve been getting hit up by the same types of guys as in the past. Married men, guys with girlfriends and dudes that have more than 3-4 spelling or grammar errors in their profile #dontjudgemeimpicky. There have been some “ok” guys on there as well but here’s my concern about guys that are just “ok.” If I settle for a guy who’s mediocre to me and then I somehow meet a guy at the grocery store or something that’s better than mediocre, then what? You know my pretty little shallow ass is going to want the greener grass! So why even go for just “ok” when I already know how that’ll play out? «insert answer here»

These dating sites can get a little irritating sometimes and honestly also a little discouraging. There’s so many thumbs down that it makes a girl wonder if any thumbs up still exist. I’ve deleted and re-downloaded the apps I think like 3 times lol. The last time I deleted it, I said I’d stop doing that. A good friend of mine had a FB post that said something like, “Don’t allow the court jesters to discourage you from finding your King.” I don’t think she said it exactly like that but that was the point I got from it. I try to remember that when I get discouraged.

I know he exists out there somewhere, I just have to keep believing and making myself available instead of closing up like I want to do sometimes. I met a gentleman in the last day or two who seems pretty cool. So we will see how that goes. He’s definitely scrumptious!!!

I will try my best to visit more often. Let me show you why I’ve been away for almost a month. Here are some of my recent designs at #imjustthemessenger apparel by Tiffany Michellè…

Yup I’ve been working my little bumbling bee ass off lovebugs!! If you’d like to see more designs, visit my site at http://imjustthemessenger.net and take a looksie!

I appreciate you all and I hope you have a super great day!!! Maybe some of you will even get some good booty lol.

Until we meet again my sweet suga dumplings,
Tiffany Michellè

 

Fucktard!!!! I couldn’t think of anything else…

The moment when you realize your relationship is over is a crucial one. In that moment, there are a few options available that a lot of people neglect to consciously make a well thought decision about. Most people decide their post relationship actions based off of their emotions. Some sadly attempt to continue the relationship when their partner has repeatedly hurt them or expressed they’re no longer interested in the relationship, hoping and wishing that things will change. Some people leave but aim to get revenge #seektherapyuracreeper or they peruse around giving up the goods to every Tom, Dick and Harriet they meet. While others go into a shell and close themselves off or they date other people in lightning speed, neglecting to heal, hurting other people because of their own pain.

For a girl like me, there are only a couple options available: I can learn to appreciate the experience, receive whatever lessons need to be learned and quickly jump back on the saddle  or

Although the breakup occurred a few days ago, I’d been acting as if I was indifferent about it. Yesterday during the morning hours I was feeling great! I thought about what I needed to learn from the experience and a little bird must’ve chirped to a few folks that I was newly single because my phone began to ring more than it had been. I put my ego on and jumped into flirt mode.

The illusion of bliss was short lived. Later that afternoon it hit me that I’d already bought my plane ticket to visit and the rental car was booked. Since we were no longer an item, I’d need the car longer and I’d have to pay for all of my travel fees, a hotel and etc.  I don’t really know anyone there. The city where I spent most of my younger years is close by but it’s beyond boring, there’s not much for a Vegas girl to do and it’s super humid there. And to be honest, it’s like red neck country. Grrrrrrrrr, I sat in front of my laptop pondering. What do I do? Do I really desire to spend my vacation in the country with locusts, mosquitoes and confederate flags? Do I just say fuck it and go alone anyway? I could’ve remained in the world of many unanswered questions but I decided to do what I do best: Make the best out of the situation.

Ring…Ring…Ring…Welcome to Southwest Airlines, this is Susie how may I help you?

Hmmm… Well for starters, I’d like around $75,000 to pay off my school loans, a 2014 BMW 850 Grand Coupe, a maid with long legs, nice curves and a Brazilian accent and endless shots of Vodka, hold the chaser.

 

 

 

She was obviously unwilling to assist me with any of what I thought were totally reasonable requests so instead I asked her to update my destination to another place. After the call was over, I felt relieved, I began to make plans for my new trip and things were looking up.

While I was in the shower all of the optimism I had while inhaling the bitter sweet haze of being single again, went down the drain. The steam brought in something unexpected, my chest began to get heavy and I began to FEEL.

THIS WAS MY MOMENT

Oh shit!

I’m on the rebound!

I can’t start dating anyone.

I don’t know what I want.

Do I want to stay single?

What if I start dating someone and I hurt them because I am not sure?

I can’t think about focusing on someone else yet.

My feelings are hurt.

Earlier I stated:

“For a girl like me, there are only a couple options available: I can learn to appreciate the experience, receive whatever lessons need to be learned and quickly jump back on the saddle or ????”

When my mind quieted and the questions silenced, I decided that my “or ????” was to take the  time I need to breathe, grow through this and decide what I want for myself in regard to relationships. I’m quite sure after my lil ole heart is good again, I’ll be back to being Almostdating007. Maybe…

Until next time my sweet little butter nipples,

Tiffany Michellé

 

You scream, I scream, We all SCREAM for Ice Cream?!

Imagine with me:

Your partner has done something that has affected you in an emotionally harmful manner; your feelings are hurt. Although you’re affected by this, you don’t want to say fuck it and throw in the towel so you conjure up some serious bravery and express yourself respectfully (bravery – Because we all know that it’s not always easy to put our feelings out in the open, especially after we’ve been hurt by someone we care for) and they respond by saying,

“Your feelings don’t make sense.”

All relationships aren’t going to be easy and if you think that L-O-V-E will stop you and your partner from having a disagreement, think again. You must realize that no matter how much you feel for one another, you have two different minds and therefore you won’t continuously agree on everything. Also you’re two people who have lived diverse experiences so you might not even always understand one another. But having a difference of opinion doesn’t mean that you aren’t still on the same page as far as your relationship is concerned.

Different doesn’t always mean bad, sometimes different is good for us because it helps us in our growth. Different stretches you and moves you out of your comfort zone. When we’ve reached a certain point in our growth, we come to realize that not always understanding each other is normal. Most importantly, it’s how you react when you don’t understand something about your partner and vice versa; that’s the vital determinant of the success and health in your relationship.

As human beings for some reason we have a habit of ridiculing the things we don’t comprehend or aren’t familiar with. We become suspicious or concerned when our partner seems to be displaying a behavior that is similar to a past lover’s behavior. It seems to be a learned behavior but it doesn’t prove to be a very positive one. At times when we don’t understand our partner’s feelings, we immediately take offense or discredit their feelings by telling them that they shouldn’t feel that way or their feelings don’t make sense. We compare them to people or a person we’ve dated in the past as if they are not two totally different people. That is the easiest way to make your partner withdraw. It causes a person to feel like their feelings don’t matter and it might actually cause your partner to stop expressing themselves to you. Also if you’re comparing your partner to someone else, you might want to ask yourself if you’ve healed from the past experience. People react to things based on their experiences and your partner shouldn’t have to be punished for the tainted taste your ex left in your mouth. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to take your ego out of it. If we truly care for our partners, our first reaction should be out of love. It shouldn’t be our first instinct to take offense simply because we don’t understand or agree with their feelings. If you want to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with this person, the last thing you want to do is push them away right?

In love and relationships, we should provide a safe space for our partners. Even if we have no understanding in regard to their feelings, would it hurt for us to just say, “Well honey, I didn’t mean to affect you in that way” or “Sweetie, I don’t understand why you feel like that but it wasn’t my intention to cause you any harm.” Oh this is a good one: “Honey, I see that you’re dealing with some things, how about I give you some time to sort your feelings out and when you’re ready to discuss it, I’m here for you.” Sometimes it’s not about YOU and in love there are moments when we have to set our opinions and judgments aside to focus on getting back to the place where you and your partner feel loved and supported. Who gives a damn if we have to put our egos in the closet in order to do so? At the end of the day we want to show our love enough to where we’re still getting some nookie aka SEXXXXX ☺.

When each person is willing to open up and be themselves, it’s a great thing! If you agree on absolutely everything, someone is faking. When your lover opens up and expresses how they feel, pat yourself on the back because that means they care and love you enough to try to make it work. It also indicates that you’ve provided a space in which they’re comfortable being vulnerable with you. If your partner is still talking to you after all of your mess ups, even the ones you won’t fess up to, there’s still hope.

Until we meet again my sweet little monkey butts,

Almostdating007

*In the 1^st paragraph I bolded, RESPECTFULLY intentionally because just because you’re hurt that doesn’t give you the right to disrespect your partner in how you speak to them and vice versa. If you’re irate, cursing at your lover, raising your voice and etc. as a way as expressing how you feel, you cannot blame your partner for returning exactly what you’re giving them. Like attracts like so negative energy attracts more negative energy. GET IT TOGETHER!

Photo Credit: Touchstone Pictures

 

Scared Little Sissy Pants…

So I was sitting with some lady friends the other day and we are having a great time conversing about different things. We stopped to grab a bite to eat and due to the perfect weather we decided to dine outside. While we are sitting there, a few good looking, wait no great looking group of guys walk by. Normally I would be all in with the flirting but I am now off the market so I tried to convince my girls to go and speak to them. At that moment, I was blown away from what I was told. Although all these ladies are SINGLE and say they want men. They stated that they felt that it was beneath them to approach a man. And that it was the man’s job to approach them…hmmmm.

No matter how much that sounded like ancient thinking, I could identify with that mentality because I used to think in the same fashion. I didn’t think it was beneath me but I felt like this:

“I was in control of everything in my life. I ran a household and brought home the turkey bacon too. I wore the pants in most situations in my life so why would I want to wear them in regard to approaching a man too. I wanted to feel like the woman in all situations with a man.”

Well do you know where that kind of thinking got me? Absolutely freaking NOWHERE!! I was still single and men just weren’t approaching me. I’d hear from my guy friends that men were probably intimidated by me, I might look unapproachable and I looked like I already had a man. Umm? How can you get all that from a woman standing, smiling or knowing me back then dancing and holding a vodka and tonic (no lime, thank you)?

I was tired of waiting so when I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to start dating, I changed my mind game. I had to admit to myself that my not approaching men had nothing to do with not wanting to be controlling or gender roles; it was the fear of rejection. And I thought to myself if I’m scared to approach a man knowing he might reject me, a man is most likely scared to approach a woman because of the same reason.

Some women will use the excuse that there’s no good men out there but that’s some bullshit! There are plenty of great men in this world but if you don’t present yourself as available, you will not find one. I just heard somebody’s thought and it said, “A man is supposed to find a woman, not the other way around.” Well sweetie, you keep that mindset and let us know how well that works out for you. No one is beneath anyone, we are all on an equal playing field. Ladies, we are not so high and mighty to where it is beneath us to walk up to a gentleman, ask for his name and if he wants to go get some coffee. We are just scared and masking that fear with other excuses. While you’re waiting on him to approach you, there’s another woman who’s checking him out too. She’s standing right behind you, she’s bold and about to work her magic on the man who could’ve been your boo. Read this…Why He’s Single

I recall the exact day I decided that I was going to get some balls and put this new finding to action! I was at a local pharmacy and I saw a good looking man getting out of his car. I hyped myself up, put on my confident chick hat and said fuck it…all he can say is no. I repeated that to myself again, all he can say is no.

All they can say is “No!”

A “No” will not kill you! But for some reason, we think it will. We think a “No” says we aren’t good enough. We aren’t handsome or pretty enough. We aren’t smart enough. We take it personal when the person doesn’t even know us personally! It’s just an answer to a simple question and it shouldn’t kill you just because it’s not the answering you were hoping to get.

Stop allowing the fear of rejection to kill your confidence. Quit allowing it to kill your chances of dating and finding a person or people who you could share beautiful experiences with. I’ve said this before in Awww poor baby, you’re S-I-N-G-L-E, you cannot get what you want by sitting on your hands waiting for it to fall out of the sky, land right in your lap and give you the bombest head you’ve ever had. It just doesn’t work that way. You have to get out of your comfort zone, be courageous and try something different in order to get different results. It’s just that simple.

And if you ever get the nerve to approach someone, which I hope you will TODAY, if they do say “No” don’t see it as rejection and then give up. See it as practice to becoming a more assertive you and pat yourself on the back for not continuing to be a scared little sissy pants!!!

Until we meet again my little sweet suga nutts,

Almostdating007

 

 

when white turns to grey

Experiencing moments of intimacy with Self but in the form of someone else…woman. She breathes the same breath as you. Elicits you feel to as if expressing your admiration for her is taboo. So hard to resist, you crave; you salivate for her kiss. On the perch of her breast, you desire for your head to rest, for the remnants of your age. Her mind, overflowing with dynamic beauty; you wish to articulate with her for days. Her intellect leaves your psyche amazed. This sensation has lasted over a lifetime but yet overnight, a second from each calendar day. In her absence her thought remains, causes your essence to vibrate. You don’t believe in soul mates, you say. Subsiding in the depth of her substance causes you to consider another way…when the white day turns to grey she yearns to lay with you, to caress herself within you. The passion between the two seems surreal. Human subsistence causes wonder, is this real? Conscious in the solar prime, dormant after sundown and before sunrise, let the dream continue and she will forever long for you

Until we meet again,
Almostdating007