Imagine with me:
Your partner has done something that has affected you in an emotionally harmful manner; your feelings are hurt. Although you’re affected by this, you don’t want to say fuck it and throw in the towel so you conjure up some serious bravery and express yourself respectfully (bravery – Because we all know that it’s not always easy to put our feelings out in the open, especially after we’ve been hurt by someone we care for) and they respond by saying,
“Your feelings don’t make sense.”
All relationships aren’t going to be easy and if you think that L-O-V-E will stop you and your partner from having a disagreement, think again. You must realize that no matter how much you feel for one another, you have two different minds and therefore you won’t continuously agree on everything. Also you’re two people who have lived diverse experiences so you might not even always understand one another. But having a difference of opinion doesn’t mean that you aren’t still on the same page as far as your relationship is concerned.
Different doesn’t always mean bad, sometimes different is good for us because it helps us in our growth. Different stretches you and moves you out of your comfort zone. When we’ve reached a certain point in our growth, we come to realize that not always understanding each other is normal. Most importantly, it’s how you react when you don’t understand something about your partner and vice versa; that’s the vital determinant of the success and health in your relationship.
As human beings for some reason we have a habit of ridiculing the things we don’t comprehend or aren’t familiar with. We become suspicious or concerned when our partner seems to be displaying a behavior that is similar to a past lover’s behavior. It seems to be a learned behavior but it doesn’t prove to be a very positive one. At times when we don’t understand our partner’s feelings, we immediately take offense or discredit their feelings by telling them that they shouldn’t feel that way or their feelings don’t make sense. We compare them to people or a person we’ve dated in the past as if they are not two totally different people. That is the easiest way to make your partner withdraw. It causes a person to feel like their feelings don’t matter and it might actually cause your partner to stop expressing themselves to you. Also if you’re comparing your partner to someone else, you might want to ask yourself if you’ve healed from the past experience. People react to things based on their experiences and your partner shouldn’t have to be punished for the tainted taste your ex left in your mouth. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to take your ego out of it. If we truly care for our partners, our first reaction should be out of love. It shouldn’t be our first instinct to take offense simply because we don’t understand or agree with their feelings. If you want to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with this person, the last thing you want to do is push them away right?
In love and relationships, we should provide a safe space for our partners. Even if we have no understanding in regard to their feelings, would it hurt for us to just say, “Well honey, I didn’t mean to affect you in that way” or “Sweetie, I don’t understand why you feel like that but it wasn’t my intention to cause you any harm.” Oh this is a good one: “Honey, I see that you’re dealing with some things, how about I give you some time to sort your feelings out and when you’re ready to discuss it, I’m here for you.” Sometimes it’s not about YOU and in love there are moments when we have to set our opinions and judgments aside to focus on getting back to the place where you and your partner feel loved and supported. Who gives a damn if we have to put our egos in the closet in order to do so? At the end of the day we want to show our love enough to where we’re still getting some nookie aka SEXXXXX ☺.
When each person is willing to open up and be themselves, it’s a great thing! If you agree on absolutely everything, someone is faking. When your lover opens up and expresses how they feel, pat yourself on the back because that means they care and love you enough to try to make it work. It also indicates that you’ve provided a space in which they’re comfortable being vulnerable with you. If your partner is still talking to you after all of your mess ups, even the ones you won’t fess up to, there’s still hope.
Until we meet again my sweet little monkey butts,
*In the 1st paragraph I bolded, RESPECTFULLY intentionally because just because you’re hurt that doesn’t give you the right to disrespect your partner in how you speak to them and vice versa. If you’re irate, cursing at your lover, raising your voice and etc. as a way as expressing how you feel, you cannot blame your partner for returning exactly what you’re giving them. Like attracts like so negative energy attracts more negative energy. GET IT TOGETHER!
Photo Credit: Touchstone Pictures