#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3^rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment…

Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

 

Eat, Shit, Pray L♥ve

I can’t recall the exact day but one day in September 2014, I decided that I was going to focus on love. Not giving it, I’ve been doing that all of my life without a vacation. I planned to focus on being at the receiving end. I decided that I’d invite love in, but not just any love, I planned to manifest the perfect love for me. I decided to eat, sleep, sing and write only about love. I would’ve shitted love if I could lol #ewww. I’d only pay attention to love.

Now this might sound simple to you. It wasn’t. I’m a busy woman. I’m a self made entrepreneur. I had business to take care of but that business had to wait because I’d grown tired of waiting. The t-shirt design production would have to wait. The book would have to collect dust. Everything that wasn’t directly related to my receiving love was placed on the back end of my consciousness. I disabled my Facebook and other select social media networks. I decided (the death of all other options, thanks Frantonia Pollins) to focus.

So I created yet another profile on a well-known online dating site. I kept my Instagram open because I needed an outlet to write about love. I have a firm understanding that “you get what you give” so I knew if I talked to love by way of my writing through my heart, it’d eventually start talking back. So that’s exactly what I did. Every piece was about love. No matter how many inspirational and motivational writings came to mind, I didn’t write them down. I only put pen to paper if my thoughts were about el amour.

The journey…

If you’ve ever been on any online dating site, you have come to understand that they give you a serious depiction of the fact that the world is full of idiots. It’s sad but the shit is true. If you had any doubt, online dating sites will prove to you that stupid people exist in supreme magnitude. Even though this is fact, I didn’t allow my short lived idiotic experiences to deter me from my goal. You might recall my dating challenge. During that time, I went out on a date even if I really didn’t like the guy. It was about numbers and getting to know the woman in me. This was not that. I didn’t even waste my time or my keystrokes with anyone I wasn’t feeling. I politely dismissed them was this shindig right here… My Dear John aka Jerome letter:

Yup I sure did. I clicked send, kept it pushing and I didn’t look back. I was focused babies. A few times I even expanded my search to out of towners that lived in the states I would consider moving to. I’d do that for about a week and then I’d bring it back home. I didn’t waste my time in too much textual conversation. If I got the feeling, I’d slide him my number. See, I need to hear a man’s voice to see if I’m attracted. I’m not into men with feeble voices. I’m stubborn. When I get out of line, I need a man with some bass in his tone to reel me back in.

Unfortunately, I had one bad experience. I had a stalker. He played sane but he wasn’t even close to that. I ended up having to block his text, calls, emails and I thanked baby Buddha over and over that he didn’t know where I lived. I deleted my profile for about 2 weeks but then I refocused and began again.

I got to the point to where my options were so plentiful; I could’ve gone out on a date every night for the rest of the year if I wanted to. Not to toot my own horn but I’m tooting my own horn lol. In spite of my plentiful choices, I narrowed my picks to two gentlemen. They were totally opposite of one another. One’s skin was light, one was dark, one was younger than me, the other was older than me, he was from the west coast, he was from the east, one had kids, the other had none, one was a good boy, and the other had a bad boy edge. One thing they did have in common was they both worked out, had sexy athletic bodies, were tall and both had nice deep voices.

What was a girl to do right? Well one of them made it really easy for me. He did something that the other one didn’t do. He knew something that the other didn’t. He had it. And IT was focus. He knew what he wanted and he knew who he wanted. He paid attention and he made time. He wanted me and him wanting me and not being afraid to show it made it easy for me to figure out that I wanted him too. After the decision was made, everything fell into place. I won’t give you all of the juicy details but I can tell you this. FOCUS!!!! By my focusing on receiving love, I attracted a man into my atmosphere that primarily focuses on giving it back to me (in multiple ways whew!).

So at the end of the day sweet babies, listen to me: If you know what you want and you’re sure you want it, don’t allow anything to get in your way. You might have to place some things on the back burner in order to put yourself first. Imagine, if some of us put as much focus into receiving intimate love than we put into making money, building our careers, helpings others and etc., we probably would’ve received the love we seek long ago. Think on it. Love on it.

Until next time my sweet little monkey nutts,

Tiffany Michellé

Have a listen…

 

 

#Love #Notes

A glimpse of a warranted reality momentarily, a fantasy. Pointless whispers, in moments of solitude, doubt almost won but your heart resisted. You loved me before you knew I existed. The thought of a mere possibility. You adored me when I was just a desire, a figment of your imagination. Before our first kiss, a presence missed. Compromised by my eyes. Consumed by my scent. Yearning my embrace. You’ve been loving me for a very long time and I bet you always will.
~ Tiffany Michellé 💋

 

#hope

Until we meet,
Tiffany Michellé

 

Even in my slum…

Even in my slumber I manifest warranted realities. My mouth waters constantly like a famished beast. I create future destinies in my sleep. I thirst to conquer my desires like I breathe. All the things I’ve done before today were small giants compared to the experiences I plan to see! I stay HUNGRY!

© 2014 Tiffany Michellé

 

Imagining…

Gifting me with hot flashes in crevices I didn’t know exist. He sends my body through supreme elevations by tickling my thoughts while gently fucking my mind as he winds and dines me with time. Making it hard for me to resist his kiss as my lust persists. Leaving me yearning for more of his sweet tastes of ecstasy. Evidence of sexual cerebral desires drip from my skin. My finger tips tingle wanting to caress the remnants of him. I squirm and arch my back as his nectar blesses the tip of my tongue. Squeezing my thighs in attempts to hide my pulsating rise. Whispering to me sweetly as my juices meet his sheets. I slowly open my eyes and to my surprise it was all a dream. Damn how he’s got me…Imagining.

Until we meet again sexy beasts,

Almostdating007
Visit my personal webpage http://TiffanyMichel-le.com/!

 

Dear future…

Tonight I was walking to the curb to take out the trash and I had a mono convo in my head. I was speaking to my future king. Sounds crazy but I don’t mind.
I said, “King today I woke up at 5:45am, got dressed dropped my daughter off at school, went to work for 9.5 hours, went to the gym, went to ATM afterwards and then got some gas. I came home after dark and due to lack of light I struggled but cleaned the back yard, then I took out the trash. King, I’ve been on my own since I was 17. I’ve done all of this with no one around. I don’t need you. I want you, isn’t that more profound?”

Until we meet my sweet,
Almostdating007

 

her prayer…

This writing is one of the most personal ones I’ve done in a while. I was emotional while writing/designing it and I can still feel the heaviness in my chest where my heart resides. I’m sharing myself with you as I always do and I hope you enjoy “her prayer.”

Until we meet again my L♥ves,
Almostdating007