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#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment…

Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

TM

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Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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The Spine-Chilling Tales of Poor Sapp #Single-ton

“Tough world being Single, truly is. I have observed what some of my single friends and associates go thru and I’d be scared to be in the dating world. We have even produced events for sinwaitwhatgles and will do so again cause we know it is rough.”

My reaction after I read the quote above>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

 

If you’re happy and single by choice, raise your hand! (Raises hand) If you’re sad and lonely because you’re still waiting on Mr. or Misses Right to appear out of a bright light in the sky and save you, come here suga dumplings and give me a hug…Cute lil thing. (Cops a feel)

PSA: Being single is not like having the plague.

I was skimming instagram today and I came across the quote posted above and I must be honest in saying, the shenanigans (a pretty word for shit) bothered me. You see, I have an issue when people make being single seem like having a disease that can only be cured by another person. Why? Because while some of us are attempting to bring sunshine into people’s lives, others are making them feel less than based upon their relationship status. ✔ marking a box indicating you’re SINGLE doesn’t make you a poor unfortunate soul just as being in a relationship doesn’t automatically provide you with infinite orgasmic goodness.

Why must people continue to correlate being single with being unhappy or assume that everyone who is single, is single and looking? Some prefer companionship over a committed relationship, others might find joy in having options and some are perfectly content being by themselves. The preferences go on and on and everyones’ differ.

If someone reading this tidbit already felt bad about being single beforehand, they might just be suicidal afterwards.

sad-broken-heart-l(DON’T KILL YOURSELF!!! WE’D MISS YOU!!)

People let’s stop with all the “my situation is happier aka better than yours because …” ways of thinking. If it wasn’t the writer’s intention to make being single sound scary and grim, he should’ve remained mute until he figured out how not to sound like he was cramming all single people into this tight fitting, locker room stinky and spooky box. Different doesn’t necessarily mean bad just as being single doesn’t signify negativity or someone not being enough. Single people don’t need sympathy, we need healthy self esteem to be able to deal with the unwarranted societal stereotypes and stigmas placed on us by who knows who and who knows what.

So how about this, instead of writing about your cretinous scenarios of the single life, if you must share, buy us single folk some buttered popcorn, lightly salted along with some peach schnapps with a gigantic drop of vodka and tell us all about the delectable delights of your particular relationship or you can wait until we are all white girl wasted and tell us how rough you believe being single is. We won’t remember a damn thing ☺.

Until next time my sweet little suga pops!

Tiffany Michellé

Click here to learn more about me, the beautiful and sexy author and blogger Tiffany Michellé

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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Understanding The Differences Between Angry Or Hurt Feelings | YourTango

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dawn-michael/understanding-differences-between-angry-or-hurt-feelings#.VMbauMutvqB

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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You scream, I scream, We all SCREAM for Ice Cream?!

Imagine with me:

Your partner has done something that has affected you in an emotionally harmful manner; your feelings are hurt. Although you’re affected by this, you don’t want to say fuck it and throw in the towel so you conjure up some serious bravery and express yourself respectfully (bravery – Because we all know that it’s not always easy to put our feelings out in the open, especially after we’ve been hurt by someone we care for) and they respond by saying,

“Your feelings don’t make sense.”

All relationships aren’t going to be easy and if you think that L-O-V-E will stop you and your partner from having a disagreement, think again. You must realize that no matter how much you feel for one another, you have two different minds and therefore you won’t continuously agree on everything. Also you’re two people who have lived diverse experiences so you might not even always understand one another. But having a difference of opinion doesn’t mean that you aren’t still on the same page as far as your relationship is concerned.

Different doesn’t always mean bad, sometimes different is good for us because itlife-begins-at-the-end-of-your-comfort-zone-neal-donald-walsch-quote-958x1024 helps us in our growth. Different stretches you and moves you out of your comfort zone. When we’ve reached a certain point in our growth, we come to realize that not always understanding each other is normal. Most importantly, it’s how you react when you don’t understand something about your partner and vice versa; that’s the vital determinant of the success and health in your relationship.

As human beings for some reason we have a habit of ridiculing the things we don’t comprehend or aren’t familiar with. We become suspicious or concerned when our partner seems to be displaying a behavior that is similar to a past lover’s behavior. It seems to be a learned behavior but it doesn’t prove to be a very positive one. At times when we don’t understand our partner’s feelings, we immediately take offense or discredit their feelings by telling them that thcouple-arguingey shouldn’t feel that way or their feelings don’t make sense. We compare them to people or a person we’ve dated in the past as if they are not two totally different people. That is the easiest way to make your partner withdraw. It causes a person to feel like their feelings don’t matter and it might actually cause your partner to stop expressing themselves to you. Also if you’re comparing your partner to someone else, you might want to ask yourself if you’ve healed from the past experience. People react to things based on their experiences and your partner shouldn’t have to be punished for the tainted taste your ex left in your mouth. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to take your ego out of it. If we truly care for our partners, our first reaction should be out of love. It shouldn’t be our first instinct to take offense simply because we don’t understand or agree with their feelings. If you want to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with this person, the last thing you want to do is push them away right?

In love and relationships, we should provide a safe space for our partners. Even if we have no understanding in regard to their feelings, would it hurt for us to just say, “Well honey, I didn’t mean to affect you in that way” or “Sweetie, I don’t understand why you feel like that but it wasn’t my intention to cause you any harm.” Oh this is a good one: “Honey, I see that you’re dealing with some things, how about I give you some time to sort your feelings out and when you’re ready to discuss it, I’m here for you.” Sometimes it’s not about YOU and in love there are moments when we have to set our opinions and judgments aside to focus on getting back to the place where you and yRogerAndJessicaRabbitour partner feel loved and supported. Who gives a damn if we have to put our egos in the closet in order to do so? At the end of the day we want to show our love enough to where we’re still getting some nookie aka SEXXXXX ☺.

When each person is willing to open up and be themselves, it’s a great thing! If you agree on absolutely everything, someone is faking. When your lover opens up and expresses how they feel, pat yourself on the back because that means they care and love you enough to try to make it work. It also indicates that you’ve provided a space in which they’re comfortable being vulnerable with you. If your partner is still talking to you after all of your mess ups, even the ones you won’t fess up to, there’s still hope.

Until we meet again my sweet little monkey butts,

Almostdating007

*In the 1st paragraph I bolded, RESPECTFULLY intentionally because just because you’re hurt that doesn’t give you the right to disrespect your partner in how you speak to them and vice versa. If you’re irate, cursing at your lover, raising your voice and etc. as a way as expressing how you feel, you cannot blame your partner for returning exactly what you’re giving them. Like attracts like so negative energy attracts more negative energy. GET IT TOGETHER!

Photo Credit: Touchstone Pictures

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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