RSS

Tag Archives: depression

#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment


Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

TM

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Rhetorically Speaking

image

~ Why do we allow unfavorable events in our lives to deter us and push us away from the very people we’ve asked The Creator to bless us with. Why do you hide in the corners of our minds, sulking in our egos instead of reaching out or graciously accepting help when it’s offered. We say we don’t want to be alone and deep down we know we aren’t the only souls who experience hard times but we alienate ourselves in this illusion, this false depiction of sad loneliness. Does part of us feel as if we don’t deserve the love we’ve requested within the depths our hearts. Why must we coward at the thought of seeming vulnerable. Shouldn’t the courage displayed in choosing to be vulnerable be praised. Are we not enough to allow ourselves simply to be…human?

Until next time my sweets,
Tiffany MichellĂ© 💋
(Pronounced Michel-lay)
tiffanymichel-le.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 10, 2015 in Life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Forevermore…

What do you say when your mind stops, when the wind no longer blows, the yearn grows and it grows. What do you do when the words cease to be, when the dirt is no longer moist, when silence is your sole choice. What do you say when you’re speech lacks tone, when your voice is gone, when you are speechless, when silence lingers.

image

I think of moments in time when I was loved. A time when he held me close and I was the safest girl in the world. Moments when he would touch me in places never unearthed before. His finger tips caressed my soul. We loved. We laughed. We were the stars in each others eyes. My Moon. His Earth. He was my god. I, his goddess. When the world would sleep, his mind would scream, his heart would weep. When the sun rised, different was he. He’d become distant. As if he’d never been here before. Reaching deep within the confides of silent solitude, out of loves reach. Thoughts became unfamiliar, pain peculiar, a space unknown. I loved him as I never loved. My mind wanders, my heart desiring to hear his words again and forevermore but his spirit is with me no more.
~ Tiffany Michellé

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 15, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Subjective Deception

depressionLove’s apparition

Neglected reciprocation

Endlessly empty

Fear screams

Endogenous vacancy

Yearning for fidelity

Survival is nothing unless it derives from someone else

The lies you whisper to yourself

© 2014 Tiffany Michellé

AKA Almostdating007

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 2, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Get your happy ass on!!!

image

So you’re in a new relationship, you’re excited! You want to profess your love to the world!!! But when you do, the world says:
The bliss is only in the beginning.
This happiness is short-lived and when reality hits it’ll fade away.
You just met Mr./Ms. Such and Such, the real them isn’t out yet.

Now your excitement has faded and now you’re fearful. Listen, you have to understand something, unhappy people say unhappy people shit and if a person is unhappy in their own lives and they choose to exist in despair, that’s all they can see. They won’t be able to give you an optimist point of view and if you know they’re unhappy or jealous hearted, no matter how much you want their blessing, don’t expect them to. They can’t give you something they don’t presently have within themselves.

It’s like asking a prisoner for freedom. An advanced mind knows although he’s physically captive, his mind and spirit can be free. But to the mental and emotional prisoner, freedom is out of his realm of reality.

The truth is that Love can last, happiness and blissful experiences can stand the test of time, that’s not a myth or a mystery.

image

Two happy people is all it takes. Being a happy person adds a lot of other positive attributes to you: Patience, love, understanding and etc.

See, when you’re happy with yourself and your life before you enter a relationship, it’s easier for you to be yourself. You’re happy with you, you don’t know anything else. You don’t feel the need to be fake. You’re real and true.

You know that the sole individual responsible for your happiness is you. You understand your partner can add to the happiness that already resides within you but they cannot take it away.

When you’re happy, you take less things personal because you’re not on the defense and easily offended. When your partner is having a bad day, you know you’re not entitled to fix them or it. You just continue being your ole happy self and eventually they’ll feel better because they understand what it takes to elevate.

image

The scenario is completely different with a couple that consists of two unhappy people. One person is having a bad day. The other takes offense. They think it’s about them or they don’t give their partner the time they need to work through it. They nag or blame and now both parties have unproductive attitudes. They end up arguing over frivolous things and shit that doesn’t make sense. It’s the negative energy that exists in both of them.

So the next time you feel the need to skip your little happy go lucky and in love ass over melancholy Mindy’s house to share the news of your blossoming and loving sex pot of a relationship, think again.

Until we meet again suga pies,
Almostdating007

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 31, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Image

Under-Estimated

Under-Estimated

Wouldn’t you rather dig through the hurt in order to find something good than to exist in the pain, continuing to live out the symptoms of it? Unhappiness-Depression-Bad Relationships-Low Self Esteem. Healing is never overrated, even if the power within you has been Underestimated.

Until Next Time my sweets,

Almostdating007

 
1 Comment

Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Dating

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: