A woman in #L♥ve…

You’ve prayed for it

Felt incomplete without it

Experienced envy of it

Yearned for it more than your breath

Without it you were on the brink of death

Short of it, you have nothing left

I feel compelled to ask. Are you really ready for love? Are you prepared for the helplessness that hits you like a flash of lightning in a thunderstorm? Are you emotionally equipped with what it takes to be in love? You state you desire love but are you ready?

When I met you, you were the prototype of a woman. You were strong and well put together. You had an essence that was attractive and your energy pulled me without effort. The sway in your walk would make anyone salivate. You were tantalizing. But even the stoutest woman will quake in unexpected submission when she falls in love. Especially if I’ve made her back arch and her toes curl. It will be the scariest thing she’s ever experienced. If she isn’t prepared, it will not only sweep her off her feet; it will cause her to lose her most precious possession, herself. She’ll find herself questioning her security, doubting her most innermost thoughts; she will feel powerless.

This is when most partners begin to see a woman they didn’t see before and sometimes it will push them away. Why? Because everything that you were before has been either tucked away and forgotten or it was washed away because it wasn’t real in the first place.

Once the L word has been spoken if a person is insecure, the nagging begins. The mistrust begins. The overthinking begins. It’s like you can’t help yourself and you don’t know why. Let me let you in on a little secret. All of these are symptoms from the vulnerability a person begins to experience after they fall in love or gain great feelings for another individual. Once you fall in love, if you are not complete within yourself, all of the insecurities you tried to hide or were unaware of, will make themselves shown, front line and center. And they will hit you and your partner like a freight train going south. Your once “caught up” partner will go west and if your internal issues are not addressed you will remain smack dap in the middle…stagnant.

Most people didn’t receive classes on confidence while in grade school nor in college. Most were not taught about love and relationships from their parents or elders. Most people aren’t cognizant in regard to dealing with themselves, let alone dealing intimately with someone else. A certain level of buoyancy is needed when dealing with love in relationships, especially when sex is involved and most people are not equipped for this. Most learn from experience, some don’t learn at all and if you find someone who’s willing to take the journey of finding yourself without judgment or ridicule successfully and devoid of insanity, you are a fortunate and rare person.

The best gift you can give yourself is honesty. Looking at yourself from the inside out might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it can also be the most worthwhile. No one wants to admit they are not superwoman but instead they’re human. As women, we have been taught we always have to be strong, first for others and then for ourselves but that’s bullshit. Despite what’s going on in life, you must stop and take the time to look in the mirror at your innermost vulnerable self and ask, are you really ready for love or do you need to learn how to truly love yourself?

Love is

free and beautiful

Love is

peace and patience

Love is

all things good.

Until next time,

 

The Wounded ♥

It is the responsibility of a mindful person to recognize the lack of healing within another person however it is not their duty to fix said person. An aware person shouldn’t advise the unhealed; if they choose they should only ask the appropriate questions in order to guide the other person back to themselves. They can and maybe should decide to walk away depending on the level of imbalance.

I said that to say this (I know some of you are Leman’s terms folks):

When you’re in the dating game and you meet someone who is everything you desire but you aren’t everything you’re asking for, understand if that person either decides not to date you or insists on taking their time to get to know you instead of rushing into a relationship.

A whole/complete person is one that is emotionally healed and who practices Emotional Intelligence. They seek within themselves for advice. If they seek outside of themselves for advice, they do this with a person who is also emotionally intelligent.

Non-egotistically, they understand they need nothing from anyone, including you. This can become an issue because most people haven’t gotten to a point to where they’re secure enough, not to be needed.

A more detrimental issue arises when a person doesn’t recognize that they’re not healed or they realize it but ignore it. Most unhealed people depend on other people’s presence to temporarily “fix” them. They ignore their internal issues and allow themselves to be jaded. Once the emotional high has subsided; their unhealed pain rises. This dysfunctional cycle is normally repeated.

Serious contemplation needs to take place when it comes to deciding whether to date an “unwhole” person, due to the fact that it takes patience and internal peace to endure the process of allowing a person to grow into them-selves to eventually become healthy, healed and whole. This is a process that some folks are not willing to endure and that choice should be respected and not taken personal.

Some indicators of possible unresolved emotional issues:

• Feeling incomplete or uncomfortable when you are not in relationship
• Attracting ineffective people into your life on a consistent basis
• Putting your true desires second to keep someone in your life
• Settling for less than you want
• Feeling like you are not enough

My advice to you:

Be honest with yourself in regard to possible unresolved emotional issues. If you don’t feel you can be truthful with yourself, seek help. These concerns are almost certainly affecting you and your relationships. Do what you can to heal, not for someone else but for yourself.

Much ♥ and until next time,