#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3^rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment…

Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

 

The Wounded ♥

It is the responsibility of a mindful person to recognize the lack of healing within another person however it is not their duty to fix said person. An aware person shouldn’t advise the unhealed; if they choose they should only ask the appropriate questions in order to guide the other person back to themselves. They can and maybe should decide to walk away depending on the level of imbalance.

I said that to say this (I know some of you are Leman’s terms folks):

When you’re in the dating game and you meet someone who is everything you desire but you aren’t everything you’re asking for, understand if that person either decides not to date you or insists on taking their time to get to know you instead of rushing into a relationship.

A whole/complete person is one that is emotionally healed and who practices Emotional Intelligence. They seek within themselves for advice. If they seek outside of themselves for advice, they do this with a person who is also emotionally intelligent.

Non-egotistically, they understand they need nothing from anyone, including you. This can become an issue because most people haven’t gotten to a point to where they’re secure enough, not to be needed.

A more detrimental issue arises when a person doesn’t recognize that they’re not healed or they realize it but ignore it. Most unhealed people depend on other people’s presence to temporarily “fix” them. They ignore their internal issues and allow themselves to be jaded. Once the emotional high has subsided; their unhealed pain rises. This dysfunctional cycle is normally repeated.

Serious contemplation needs to take place when it comes to deciding whether to date an “unwhole” person, due to the fact that it takes patience and internal peace to endure the process of allowing a person to grow into them-selves to eventually become healthy, healed and whole. This is a process that some folks are not willing to endure and that choice should be respected and not taken personal.

Some indicators of possible unresolved emotional issues:

• Feeling incomplete or uncomfortable when you are not in relationship
• Attracting ineffective people into your life on a consistent basis
• Putting your true desires second to keep someone in your life
• Settling for less than you want
• Feeling like you are not enough

My advice to you:

Be honest with yourself in regard to possible unresolved emotional issues. If you don’t feel you can be truthful with yourself, seek help. These concerns are almost certainly affecting you and your relationships. Do what you can to heal, not for someone else but for yourself.

Much ♥ and until next time,

 

#hope

Until we meet,
Tiffany Michellé

 

Lone ranger…

No one will treat you how you desire to be treated until you do it first! If you continue to settle for less than what you feel you truly deserve, unhappiness and regret will follow you.

Be courageous enough to stand alone until the right person is willing to stand beside you.

Until next time sweet babies,
Tiffany Michellè
Check out my official site!!!

 

Subjective Journey…

In the past three hundred and sixty one days I’ve learned that…

The Unhealed will hurt me only if I allow them to

Lies will run to avoid the Truth

My energy is captivating but that doesn’t mean they are ready to receive me

The Universe does exactly what I ask it to do; it protects me even when my ego doesn’t want it to

My intuition is the best companion for this journey

The feeling I get in my chest when deception is near isn’t an indication that I’m not healed, instead it’s a gift. It forewarns me that my heart’s best isn’t their interest

People are scared to feel

There’s nothing wrong with the silence, it’s how I deal

This isn’t my 1^st lifetime and I’ve learned the most in this one

The small star in my dreams is my son

My soul’s mission is bigger than the human things I desire in my life

Validation doesn’t come from being a man’s wife

Smiling is not a form of true happiness

Words without action are worthless

People will voluntarily reveal their weaknesses

In order to really understand others, it’s best to remain quiet

I wouldn’t mind living alone with the trees

No matter how much I hold on, I can detach just as easily

I’m ok with it just Being me.

© 2014 Tiffany Michellé

 

 

 

Solitude Soul

“Alone, he waits. His heart unsure of
her existence. His soul tired from consistence. He persists to seek her. He sits, reminiscent.”

Almostdating007
© 2014 T. Michellè
(Photo credit, Kim Barry)

 

This shit ain’t easy…

“NO, NO, NO! I got it all wrong! I take it all back…”

That’s what I wanted to say. Everything I said in Loving me was true. In that moment I didn’t care, I was hurt that the words I spoke yesterday took him away. Even if taking it all back was a lie, if it promised to take away this feeling, I would have said it anyway.

Let me ask you a question: How do you break up before you’ve even had the chance to get anything started? We weren’t even technically in a relationship but my heart feels like the awfully dear departed.

Yesterday, I blogged about some very private and painful experiences that have occurred in my life. I wasn’t asking for any sympathy, my point was to share what caused me to begin this journey of self-discovery. I wasn’t concerned about the feedback. I didn’t write it for that. I did care about how it would affect the thoughts of one person in particular. I wondered if he’d see me differently.

Before yesterday I’d never spoken some of the things I wrote. I cried while writing some parts. In order to think of everything that happened; I had to take my mind back to those times and no matter how I didn’t want it to, my heart followed.

From the day I created this blog, I’ve made it a point to not write about the gentlemen for who I really cared. Although I say a lot in this blog, I still like to keep some things private. Sometimes I write about situations after the fact. There hasn’t been many who I haven’t written about because there haven’t been many that I deeply cared about. The ones who knew, after I shared its existence, I regretted it. I like to feel like I can always be myself but I also care about other people’s feelings. I never want someone I truly care about to feel like I am putting our relationship out in the streets. (For those of you who are slang illiterate that means telling all of your business.) When I was seeing someone who knew about the blog, I found myself hesitating to be myself in my writing. I felt like I had to walk on pens and needles just to pacify him. I didn’t like that feeling. I wouldn’t do very well in prison, I was born in the year of the horse and my Venus is in Gemini, I don’t like to feel confined, especially when I write.

It seems like we’ve been handed fairytales since we were little. The knight in the shining armor will come and rescue the princess. Some of us are still damsels in distress sitting and waiting in the tower of our hearts. In the meantime we are getting older and if we aren’t in a certain place within ourselves, our hearts are growing colder and colder.

The day before the post, he told me that he might have stumbled up on his keeper, referring to me. He said that the words I spoke yesterday caused him to look within his self, he felt differently. His mouth said he prefers to be alone and to keep his heart on a shelf. Last week he showed my picture to his friends. We sat, laughed, talked, shared our intentions and spoke of family and future plans. He put me in the “hot seat,” requesting all sorts of information. This was the first time anyone had done that. I was excited because it really felt like he wanted to get to know me. You should’ve heard his joy in his voice when he received some of my responses being that they were so similar to his. From the first moment I saw him a year ago, I wanted to know him, until recently I had only known him from a distance. Our preferences matching were purely “coincidence.”

How could he not know he wasn’t ready? Why would he allow himself to carry on in such ways? He acted like he was really happy in his moments with me. How could he just throw that all away in a day? He drew me into his world. I wasn’t asking for it. He invited me. He shared that I pulled his gravity. But something I said yesterday made him click, I’m not even sure which part in particular pushed him away from me.

The day I began this blog, it didn’t take me long to come up with its name. In matters of the heart, my love is so strong if we were speaking of sex, it’d be a premature ejaculator. So the phrase “premature dater” suited me. In the past when I met someone I would settle, telling myself that I could look past the fact that he wasn’t the ideal mate for me. I would rush into it and then end up being unhappy. Nowadays when I recognize that his ways and energy don’t affect me positively, I let him go speedily. But I didn’t have to lie to myself with him. His truth self was so happy, funny, culturally diverse, responsible, loving, pleasing, witty, beautiful, soul levitating, breathtaking and so fitting. My soul fell in love with his quickly…

Almostdating007