Life isn’t as complicated as it seems. With whatever you want to achieve, you have two choices. You can live your life in fear, worrying about what everyone else thinks, how people see you, failure and etc OR You can say #fuckit and go balls to the wall, diving deeply and beastly into life without fear. Knowing if you mess up, you have the option to try again, knowing you’re just learning and you don’t have to be perfect. What will you choose?
Tiffany Michellé ✌
I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.
In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,
“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”
This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.
Let’s venture off for just a moment…
Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.
As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.
A Conversation with self:
Self: When did this begin?
Me: After the last relationship ended.
Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.
Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.
What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?
After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)
Alright so let’s go back to the question:
“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”
Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.
I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.
Until next time,
Tiffany
To be a soldier of love doesn’t mean that you’ll win every battle but at least you resist. At least you no longer allow the pain of the past or the fear of the unknown to eat you alive. At least you fight.
~ Tiffany Michellè
Photo credit: Lucky Lee
So I was sitting with some lady friends the other day and we are having a great time conversing about different things. We stopped to grab a bite to eat and due to the perfect weather we decided to dine outside. While we are sitting there, a few good looking, wait no great looking group of guys walk by. Normally I would be all in with the flirting but I am now off the market so I tried to convince my girls to go and speak to them. At that moment, I was blown away from what I was told. Although all these ladies are SINGLE and say they want men. They stated that they felt that it was beneath them to approach a man. And that it was the man’s job to approach them…hmmmm.
No matter how much that sounded like ancient thinking, I could identify with that mentality because I used to think in the same fashion. I didn’t think it was beneath me but I felt like this:
“I was in control of everything in my life. I ran a household and brought home the turkey bacon too. I wore the pants in most situations in my life so why would I want to wear them in regard to approaching a man too. I wanted to feel like the woman in all situations with a man.”
Well do you know where that kind of thinking got me? Absolutely freaking NOWHERE!! I was still single and men just weren’t approaching me. I’d hear from my guy friends that men were probably intimidated by me, I might look unapproachable and I looked like I already had a man. Umm? How can you get all that from a woman standing, smiling or knowing me back then dancing and holding a vodka and tonic (no lime, thank you)? 
I was tired of waiting so when I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to start dating, I changed my mind game. I had to admit to myself that my not approaching men had nothing to do with not wanting to be controlling or gender roles; it was the fear of rejection. And I thought to myself if I’m scared to approach a man knowing he might reject me, a man is most likely scared to approach a woman because of the same reason.
Some women will use the excuse that there’s no good men out there but that’s some bullshit! There are plenty of great men in this world but if you don’t present yourself as available, you will not find one. I just heard somebody’s thought and it said, “A man is supposed to find a woman, not the other way around.” Well sweetie, you keep that mindset and let us know how well that works out for you. No one is beneath anyone, we are all on an equal playing field. Ladies, we are not so high and mighty to where it is beneath us to walk up to a gentleman, ask for his name and if he wants to go get some coffee. We are just scared and masking that fear with other excuses. While you’re waiting on him to approach you, there’s another woman who’s checking him out too. She’s standing right behind you, she’s bold and about to work her magic on the man who could’ve been your boo. Read this…Why He’s Single
I recall the exact day I decided that I was going to get some balls and put this new finding to action! I was at a local pharmacy and I saw a good looking man getting out of his car. I hyped myself up, put on my confident chick hat and said fuck it…all he can say is no. I repeated that to myself again, all he can say is no.
All they can say is “No!”
A “No” will not kill you! But for some reason, we think it will. We think a “No” says we aren’t good enough. We aren’t handsome or pretty enough. We aren’t smart enough. We take it personal when the person doesn’t even know us personally! It’s just an answer to a simple question and it shouldn’t kill you just because it’s not the answering you were hoping to get.
Stop allowing the fear of rejection to kill your confidence. Quit allowing it to kill your chances of dating and finding a person or people who you
could share beautiful experiences with. I’ve said this before in Awww poor baby, you’re S-I-N-G-L-E, you cannot get what you want by sitting on your hands waiting for it to fall out of the sky, land right in your lap and give you the bombest head you’ve ever had. It just doesn’t work that way. You have to get out of your comfort zone, be courageous and try something different in order to get different results. It’s just that simple.
And if you ever get the nerve to approach someone, which I hope you will TODAY, if they do say “No” don’t see it as rejection and then give up. See it as practice to becoming a more assertive you and pat yourself on the back for not continuing to be a scared little sissy pants!!!
Until we meet again my little sweet suga nutts,
Almostdating007
Fear~ In order to receive what your heart truly desires, you must grow out of fear. Fear is opposite of love. Its unkind. It selfishly controls you. It’ll cripple your dreams if you allow it to. Existing in it blocks the situations and things you wish to manifest. Free yourself from fear, trust in yourself and permit the Universe to freely bless you. Let NOW be your time.
Until we meet again Lovebugs,
Almostdating007
“NO, NO, NO! I got it all wrong! I take it all back…”
That’s what I wanted to say. Everything I said in Loving me was true. In that moment I didn’t care, I was hurt that the words I spoke yesterday took him away. Even if taking it all back was a lie, if it promised to take away this feeling, I would have said it anyway.
Let me ask you a question: How do you break up before you’ve even had the chance to get anything started? We weren’t even technically in a relationship but my heart feels like the awfully dear departed.
Yesterday, I blogged about some very private and painful experiences that have occurred in my life. I wasn’t asking for any sympathy, my point was to share what caused me to begin this journey of self-discovery. I wasn’t concerned about the feedback. I didn’t write it for that. I did care about how it would affect the thoughts of one person in particular. I wondered if he’d see me differently.
Before yesterday I’d never spoken some of the things I wrote. I cried while writing some parts. In order to think of everything that happened; I had to take my mind back to those times and no matter how I didn’t want it to, my heart followed.
From the day I created this blog, I’ve made it a point to not write about the gentlemen for who I really cared. Although I say a lot in this blog, I still like to keep some things private. Sometimes I write about situations after the fact. There hasn’t been many who I haven’t written about because there haven’t been many that I deeply cared about. The ones who knew, after I shared its existence, I regretted it. I like to feel like I can always be myself but I also care about other people’s feelings. I never want someone I truly care about to feel like I am putting our relationship out in the streets. (For those of you who are slang illiterate that means telling all of your business.) When I was seeing someone who knew about the blog, I found myself hesitating to be myself in my writing. I felt like I had to walk on pens and needles just to pacify him. I didn’t like that feeling. I wouldn’t do very well in prison, I was born in the year of the horse and my Venus is in Gemini, I don’t like to feel confined, especially when I write.
It seems like we’ve been handed fairytales since we were little. The knight in the shining armor will come and rescue the princess. Some of us are still dam
sels in distress sitting and waiting in the tower of our hearts. In the meantime we are getting older and if we aren’t in a certain place within ourselves, our hearts are growing colder and colder.
The day before the post, he told me that he might have stumbled up on his keeper, referring to me. He said that the words I spoke yesterday caused him to look within his self, he felt differently. His mouth said he prefers to be alone and to keep his heart on a shelf. Last week he showed my picture to his friends. We sat, laughed, talked, shared our intentions and spoke of family and future plans. He put me in the “hot seat,” requesting all sorts of information. This was the first time anyone had done that. I was excited because it really felt like he wanted to get to know me. You should’ve heard his joy in his voice when he received some of my responses being that they were so similar to his. From the first moment I saw him a year ago, I wanted to know him, until recently I had only known him from a distance. Our preferences matching were purely “coincidence.”
How could he not know he wasn’t ready? Why would he allow himself to carry on in such ways? He acted like he was really happy in his moments with me. How could he just throw that all away in a day? He drew me into his world. I wasn’t asking for it. He invited me. He shared that I pulled his gravity. But something I said yesterday made him click, I’m not even sure which part in particular pushed him away from me.
The day I began this blog, it didn’t take me long to come up with its name. In matters of the heart, my love is so strong if we were speaking of sex, it’d be a premature ejaculator. So the phrase “premature dater” suited me. In the past when I met someone I would settle, telling myself that I could look past the fact that he wasn’t the ideal mate for me. I would rush into it and then end up being unhappy. Nowadays when I recognize that his ways and energy don’t affec
t me positively, I let him go speedily. But I didn’t have to lie to myself with him. His truth self was so happy, funny, culturally diverse, responsible, loving, pleasing, witty, beautiful, soul levitating, breathtaking and so fitting. My soul fell in love with his quickly…
Almostdating007
While the world is still grumbling about a racist basketball owner, our Mother Land is in tears. Their hearts are in fear and their lives have been terrorized. 16 days ago 234 Nigerian school aged girls were abducted by a militant terrorist group called the Boko Haram. The girls were sold as brides at the price of $12 apiece. In this moment my hands are shaking so badly, it’s difficult for me to write. I am outraged! My heart is crying out…
Where is the government???- Their government, our government, anybody’s freaking government?! There has been no major search party for these children.
The first day that plane disappeared; several countries were at sea searching for the lost. When that boat came up missing, the same urgency was displayed. Both situations were on every news channel. No one except for these children’s families is searching for these innocent girls after 16 days!! This hasn’t been declared as a world tragedy. They are only African girls. When they cry out, no one is listening.
When Russia is having issues, when N. Korea is suspect, when questions arise in the Middle East, the US is right there smack dap in the middle, the 1st to show up in other countries.
Our President has roots in Africa, his father – pure African, these are his people too. Last time I checked he was in the Philippines…
I cannot see through my tears,
Almostdating007
Related Links:
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/comment/2014/04/nigerias-stolen-girls.html
Inspiring Times with Tiffany Michellé 💋♥☺ 