So I was sitting with some lady friends the other day and we are having a great time conversing about different things. We stopped to grab a bite to eat and due to the perfect weather we decided to dine outside. While we are sitting there, a few good looking, wait no great looking group of guys walk by. Normally I would be all in with the flirting but I am now off the market so I tried to convince my girls to go and speak to them. At that moment, I was blown away from what I was told. Although all these ladies are SINGLE and say they want men. They stated that they felt that it was beneath them to approach a man. And that it was the man’s job to approach them…hmmmm.
No matter how much that sounded like ancient thinking, I could identify with that mentality because I used to think in the same fashion. I didn’t think it was beneath me but I felt like this:
“I was in control of everything in my life. I ran a household and brought home the turkey bacon too. I wore the pants in most situations in my life so why would I want to wear them in regard to approaching a man too. I wanted to feel like the woman in all situations with a man.”
Well do you know where that kind of thinking got me? Absolutely freaking NOWHERE!! I was still single and men just weren’t approaching me. I’d hear from my guy friends that men were probably intimidated by me, I might look unapproachable and I looked like I already had a man. Umm? How can you get all that from a woman standing, smiling or knowing me back then dancing and holding a vodka and tonic (no lime, thank you)?
I was tired of waiting so when I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to start dating, I changed my mind game. I had to admit to myself that my not approaching men had nothing to do with not wanting to be controlling or gender roles; it was the fear of rejection. And I thought to myself if I’m scared to approach a man knowing he might reject me, a man is most likely scared to approach a woman because of the same reason.
Some women will use the excuse that there’s no good men out there but that’s some bullshit! There are plenty of great men in this world but if you don’t present yourself as available, you will not find one. I just heard somebody’s thought and it said, “A man is supposed to find a woman, not the other way around.” Well sweetie, you keep that mindset and let us know how well that works out for you. No one is beneath anyone, we are all on an equal playing field. Ladies, we are not so high and mighty to where it is beneath us to walk up to a gentleman, ask for his name and if he wants to go get some coffee. We are just scared and masking that fear with other excuses. While you’re waiting on him to approach you, there’s another woman who’s checking him out too. She’s standing right behind you, she’s bold and about to work her magic on the man who could’ve been your boo. Read this…Why He’s Single
I recall the exact day I decided that I was going to get some balls and put this new finding to action! I was at a local pharmacy and I saw a good looking man getting out of his car. I hyped myself up, put on my confident chick hat and said fuck it…all he can say is no. I repeated that to myself again, all he can say is no.
All they can say is “No!”
A “No” will not kill you! But for some reason, we think it will. We think a “No” says we aren’t good enough. We aren’t handsome or pretty enough. We aren’t smart enough. We take it personal when the person doesn’t even know us personally! It’s just an answer to a simple question and it shouldn’t kill you just because it’s not the answering you were hoping to get.
Stop allowing the fear of rejection to kill your confidence. Quit allowing it to kill your chances of dating and finding a person or people who you could share beautiful experiences with. I’ve said this before in Awww poor baby, you’re S-I-N-G-L-E, you cannot get what you want by sitting on your hands waiting for it to fall out of the sky, land right in your lap and give you the bombest head you’ve ever had. It just doesn’t work that way. You have to get out of your comfort zone, be courageous and try something different in order to get different results. It’s just that simple.
And if you ever get the nerve to approach someone, which I hope you will TODAY, if they do say “No” don’t see it as rejection and then give up. See it as practice to becoming a more assertive you and pat yourself on the back for not continuing to be a scared little sissy pants!!!
Until we meet again my little sweet suga nutts,