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#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment…

Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

TM

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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A woman in #L♥ve…

man-kiss-woman-adam-art-last_10928You’ve prayed for it

Felt incomplete without it

Experienced envy of it

Yearned for it more than your breath

Without it you were on the brink of death

Short of it, you have nothing left

I feel compelled to ask. Are you really ready for love? Are you prepared for the helplessness that hits you like a flash of lightning in a thunderstorm? Are you emotionally equipped with what it takes to be in love? You state you desire love but are you ready?

When I met you, you were the prototype of a woman. You were strong and well put together. You had an essence that was attractive and your energy pulled me without effort. The sway in your walk would make anyone salivate. You were tantalizing. But even the stoutest woman will quake in unexpected submission when she falls in love. Especially if I’ve made her back arch and her toes curl. It will be the scariest thing she’s ever experienced. If she isn’t prepared, it will not only sweep her off her feet; it will cause her to lose her most precious possession, herself. She’ll find herself questioning her security, doubting her most innermost thoughts; she will feel powerless.

This is when most partners begin to see a woman they didn’t see before and sometimes it will push them away. Why? Because everything that you were before has been either tucked away and forgotten or it was washed away because it wasn’t real in the first place.

Once the L word has been spoken if a person is insecure, the nagging begins. The mistrust begins. The overthinking begins. It’s like you can’t help yourself and you don’t know why. Let me let you in on a little secret. All of these are symptoms from the vulnerability a person begins to experience after they fall in love or gain great feelings for another individual. Once you fall in love, if you are not complete within yourself, all of the insecurities you tried to hide or were unaware of, will make themselves shown, front line and center. And they will hit you and your partner like a freight train going south. Your once “caught up” partner will go west and if your internal issues are not addressed you will remain smack dap in the middle…stagnant.

Most people didn’t receive classes on confidence while in grade school nor in college. Most were not taught about love and relationships from their parents or elders. Most people aren’t cognizant in regard to dealing with themselves, let alone dealing intimately with someone else. A certain level of buoyancy is needed when dealing with love in relationships, especially when sex is involved and most people are not equipped for this. Most learn from experience, some don’t learn at all and if you find someone who’s willing to take the journey of finding yourself without judgment or ridicule successfully and devoid of insanity, you are a fortunate and rare person.

The best gift you can give yourself is honesty. Looking at yourself from the inside out might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it can also be the most worthwhile. No one wants to admit they are not superwoman but instead they’re human. As women, we have been taught we always have to be strong, first for others and then for ourselves but that’s bullshit. Despite what’s going on in life, you must stop and take the time to look in the mirror at your innermost vulnerable self and ask, are you really ready for love or do you need to learn how to truly love yourself?

Love is

free and beautiful

Love is

peace and patience

Love is

all things good.

Until next time,

TMichel-le

 
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Posted by on May 5, 2015 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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how to shit #rainbows…

It’s Monday morning and it takes everything within you to drag yourself out of bed. You not only dread Monday mornings but every moment that you have to be at work. You hate your job and you think everyone there is a fucktard! Hmmm…

Well it might not be your job that’s the issue or the people. I’m sorry to say (I’m lying, I’m not sorry) but ITS YOU! Awww poor baby, I’m calling you out and now you’re butt hurt.

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You hate me now? Well too bad, keep listening. It sounds like there’s a lack of happiness/quality in your life and the way you’ve been approaching it, is most likely the cause of your discontentment. Get that frown off your face and let me explain.

I write about depending on you emotionally in this blog a lot. Well did you know there’s a word for that?

***Drum roll please***

It’s called INTROSPECTION!

In my own words, introspection is looking within yourself to find the answers you seek, hopefully with an understanding that you’re responsible for your thoughts and feelings, which dictate the level of happiness and quality in your life. 

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Have you ever met or do you know a person who’s always happy? They seem like they always have something positive to say no matter the circumstances and they’re full of energy. We call those folks Positive Patties. PP’s might remind you of someone who’s amped up on coke but the diff is a PP’s high doesn’t go down, it’s natural, it doesn’t cause nose bleeds and it’s legal lol ☺.

HERE’S THE SECRET!!!

You must realize that happiness isn’t dependent upon or controlled by what’s occurring outside of you (people, religion, society, the media and etc.). Your level of happiness and therefore your quality of life is solely reliant on your thoughts and feelings. The key is you have to be consistent in controlling them in order to experience constant happiness, no matter what you’re doing, what’s going on in your life and regardless of who’s around.

Now some of you might be positively satisfied with your quality of life. If you are, kudos to you; tell everyone your secret by writing it in a book and charging $14.99 for it. That’s what I did…so go buy it at http://tiffanymichel-le.com and then email this post to all the fucktards you know, like seriously…let’s work together to make this world a much happier place.

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Until we meet again my sweet banana splits with a cherry on top,

Tiffany Michellé

 

 
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Posted by on August 5, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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Breaking free but not broken…

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This is the first time in a relationship that I didn’t put a portion of my happiness in someone else’s hands. Meaning that I knew that he couldn’t make me happy and therefore I didn’t burden him with that responsibility. I understood that my happiness could only come from inside of me. I was happy going in and I’m still happy even though the relationship came to an end. I own my happy and therefore I also own my life. This is also the first relationship I’ve experienced while being 100% emotionally healthy. I suffered no damaging emotional pain and I didn’t take his pain personal.

The experience showed me how ok I am with being single. Its funny how you think you desire an experience only to find that you don’t really need it. That’s tremendous growth for me because I used to feel incomplete if I wasn’t in a relationship.

We’ve been conditioned to think that we are incomplete if we aren’t with someone. By time you’re 30, family, society and etc. are yelling, YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED!! Then as soon as you get married, they pressure you to reproduce. Hey that’s what people are supposed to do, right? If you divorce, its shame on you!

In the middle of all those demands, not many people are asked, “What do you want?” We are told what to do, by religion, other people, the media and etc. And let’s not talk about the labels placed on our depending on our relationship status…
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This freedom has put me in a entirely different place within myself. Now I know I have a choice, I have options. There’s absolutely no internal pressure. I can do whatever or whomever and still be ok! A relationship is no longer mandatory to me. If one happens, it’ll be complimentary, not absolutely necessary. I cannot describe this new feeling but I just love it!
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You can learn a lot when you’re paying attention, especially to yourself…

Until next time my scrumptious lovebuckets,
Tiffany Michellè

 
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Posted by on August 4, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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On the outside looking in…

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During life we experience so much with other individuals. Some of those times feel good and some of them don’t. Often when they don’t feel favorable we point our emotional and mental attention outward at the person instead of inward to ourselves. In doing so we miss the opportunity to learn the lesson planted in the experience and therefore the chance to grow into a better us.

Love & Light,
Tiffany Michellè

 
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Posted by on August 4, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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Growing pains…

When a situation in your life feels uncomfortable, remind yourself that life is stretching you. Life’s desire is for you to grow through the lesson in order to become a better you. Take advantage of that moment. Quiet your emotions and consciously ask yourself – What role will I take in this situation, the victim or the victor? You have the power to decide.

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Love & Light,
Tiffany Michellè

 
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Posted by on August 1, 2014 in Life

 

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Lone ranger…

No one will treat you how you desire to be treated until you do it first! If you continue to settle for less than what you feel you truly deserve, unhappiness and regret will follow you.

Be courageous enough to stand alone until the right person is willing to stand beside you.

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Until next time sweet babies,
Tiffany Michellè
Check out my official site!!!

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2014 in Dating, Life, Love

 

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