What’s not said, what’s not there ~ The ♥ illusion

So you’re single and looking. You’re on every free dating site known to man. You bring yourself to get out of the house and you attend as many community events as your schedule allows. You put on your big girl panties and try speed dating. You’re really making a conscious effort to think outside of the box. You go on dates with people you’re not attracted to, just in case they have a cute friend. You’re determined to find someone or allow them to find you.

After a series of unfortunate affairs, you meet someone! They are unquestionably fabulous! They’re stunning, smart and sexy. They’re absolutely everything you listed in your “what I want in a mate” journal.

The catch: One day while having blissful conversation, they drop the “F” bomb in your lap!

“I’m not looking for a relationship; I’m only interested in being FRIENDS.”

You act as if you’re ok with it but inside you really feel like someone just stole your brand new cute little fluffy puppy or came in 30 seconds, whichever is worse. You just met but you felt like this could develop into something beautiful being that they’re everything you want. If they asked, you would’ve totally thrown out every precaution and walked down the aisle followed by a lifetime of sweet, sweaty, sensual and in some states illegal, sexual escapades.

In that exact moment, there’s a vital opportunity to practice an ultimate act of self-actualization. You could respond, “Ok well, I AM seeking a relationship and I’d rather get to know someone who has the same goal,” BUT you don’t. You go along with what you don’t want. You put your desires on the back burner. You continue getting to know them, knowing you’re totally attracted to them, you want more than a friendship with them and they don’t want the same. In the back of your head you’re thinking, “If they get to know me and see how wonderful I am, they’ll change their mind” and your heart suffers continuing to long for something that isn’t there.

Until next time my sweet little pumpkin nutty balls,

Tiffany Michellé

Photo Credit: Just another painting sexy man. by ~aenaluck on deviantART

 

Understanding The Differences Between Angry Or Hurt Feelings | YourTango

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dawn-michael/understanding-differences-between-angry-or-hurt-feelings#.VMbauMutvqB

 

Breaking free but not broken…

This is the first time in a relationship that I didn’t put a portion of my happiness in someone else’s hands. Meaning that I knew that he couldn’t make me happy and therefore I didn’t burden him with that responsibility. I understood that my happiness could only come from inside of me. I was happy going in and I’m still happy even though the relationship came to an end. I own my happy and therefore I also own my life. This is also the first relationship I’ve experienced while being 100% emotionally healthy. I suffered no damaging emotional pain and I didn’t take his pain personal.

The experience showed me how ok I am with being single. Its funny how you think you desire an experience only to find that you don’t really need it. That’s tremendous growth for me because I used to feel incomplete if I wasn’t in a relationship.

We’ve been conditioned to think that we are incomplete if we aren’t with someone. By time you’re 30, family, society and etc. are yelling, YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED!! Then as soon as you get married, they pressure you to reproduce. Hey that’s what people are supposed to do, right? If you divorce, its shame on you!

In the middle of all those demands, not many people are asked, “What do you want?” We are told what to do, by religion, other people, the media and etc. And let’s not talk about the labels placed on our depending on our relationship status…

This freedom has put me in a entirely different place within myself. Now I know I have a choice, I have options. There’s absolutely no internal pressure. I can do whatever or whomever and still be ok! A relationship is no longer mandatory to me. If one happens, it’ll be complimentary, not absolutely necessary. I cannot describe this new feeling but I just love it!

You can learn a lot when you’re paying attention, especially to yourself…

Until next time my scrumptious lovebuckets,
Tiffany Michellè

 

There’s no “I” in team…

Couples: When you decided to join together, you both made the conscious decision (hopefully) to become a team. At that point, life was no longer solely about you and it wasn’t solely about them. It was and is about what’s best for the team collectively.

Despite what disagreements we have with our partners or when we allow our egos to get in the way; we must remember that we made the decision to spend our moments with one particular person for a reason and when times get rough we need to refer back to why we made the decision to be together in the first place.

Everyone won’t always agree. We are all different. We have all had different experiences that have molded us into who we are. Whether all of our characteristics or tendencies are healthy or whether they even make sense, for right now we are who we are until we decide to change. We all have different minds full of various thoughts and actually that’s a beautiful thing. The diversity gives us the opportunity to learn new things, gain different perspectives and this process contributes to our growth. If we could see our differences in this way maybe it’d be easier for us to set our egos aside, give up the need to be right in disagreements and focus on whatever is best for the team.

At the end of the day, it’s about the LOVE.

Until next time suga pies,
Tiffany Michellé
http://TiffanyMichel-le.com