#707 Shift Happens

I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3^rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.

In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.

Let’s venture off for just a moment…

Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.

As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.

A Conversation with self:

Self: When did this begin?

Me: After the last relationship ended.

Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.

Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.

What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?

After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)

Alright so let’s go back to the question:

“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”

Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.

I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.

Until next time,

Tiffany

 

A woman in #L♥ve…

You’ve prayed for it

Felt incomplete without it

Experienced envy of it

Yearned for it more than your breath

Without it you were on the brink of death

Short of it, you have nothing left

I feel compelled to ask. Are you really ready for love? Are you prepared for the helplessness that hits you like a flash of lightning in a thunderstorm? Are you emotionally equipped with what it takes to be in love? You state you desire love but are you ready?

When I met you, you were the prototype of a woman. You were strong and well put together. You had an essence that was attractive and your energy pulled me without effort. The sway in your walk would make anyone salivate. You were tantalizing. But even the stoutest woman will quake in unexpected submission when she falls in love. Especially if I’ve made her back arch and her toes curl. It will be the scariest thing she’s ever experienced. If she isn’t prepared, it will not only sweep her off her feet; it will cause her to lose her most precious possession, herself. She’ll find herself questioning her security, doubting her most innermost thoughts; she will feel powerless.

This is when most partners begin to see a woman they didn’t see before and sometimes it will push them away. Why? Because everything that you were before has been either tucked away and forgotten or it was washed away because it wasn’t real in the first place.

Once the L word has been spoken if a person is insecure, the nagging begins. The mistrust begins. The overthinking begins. It’s like you can’t help yourself and you don’t know why. Let me let you in on a little secret. All of these are symptoms from the vulnerability a person begins to experience after they fall in love or gain great feelings for another individual. Once you fall in love, if you are not complete within yourself, all of the insecurities you tried to hide or were unaware of, will make themselves shown, front line and center. And they will hit you and your partner like a freight train going south. Your once “caught up” partner will go west and if your internal issues are not addressed you will remain smack dap in the middle…stagnant.

Most people didn’t receive classes on confidence while in grade school nor in college. Most were not taught about love and relationships from their parents or elders. Most people aren’t cognizant in regard to dealing with themselves, let alone dealing intimately with someone else. A certain level of buoyancy is needed when dealing with love in relationships, especially when sex is involved and most people are not equipped for this. Most learn from experience, some don’t learn at all and if you find someone who’s willing to take the journey of finding yourself without judgment or ridicule successfully and devoid of insanity, you are a fortunate and rare person.

The best gift you can give yourself is honesty. Looking at yourself from the inside out might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it can also be the most worthwhile. No one wants to admit they are not superwoman but instead they’re human. As women, we have been taught we always have to be strong, first for others and then for ourselves but that’s bullshit. Despite what’s going on in life, you must stop and take the time to look in the mirror at your innermost vulnerable self and ask, are you really ready for love or do you need to learn how to truly love yourself?

Love is

free and beautiful

Love is

peace and patience

Love is

all things good.

Until next time,

 

Love 101

 

On the outside looking in…

During life we experience so much with other individuals. Some of those times feel good and some of them don’t. Often when they don’t feel favorable we point our emotional and mental attention outward at the person instead of inward to ourselves. In doing so we miss the opportunity to learn the lesson planted in the experience and therefore the chance to grow into a better us.

Love & Light,
Tiffany Michellè

 

Lone ranger…

No one will treat you how you desire to be treated until you do it first! If you continue to settle for less than what you feel you truly deserve, unhappiness and regret will follow you.

Be courageous enough to stand alone until the right person is willing to stand beside you.

Until next time sweet babies,
Tiffany Michellè
Check out my official site!!!

 

Douche bags, cock suckers, math and shit☺

You’re frustrated and everyone you’ve met in regard to dating has been a douche bag (my 2^nd favorite word, after cock sucker). So now you’re done! Your mouth says, you’d rather stay single than to keep going through the bullshit! You’re mad, you don’t feel appreciated, you’re misunderstood and you feel like all of the good people in the world must be married, gay or in prison, Sound about right?

Well let’s see if I can help you gain a renewed perspective without hurting your little feelings.

As always to give you a little cushion as I like to do, I’ll begin with me. After years and years of dating the wrong people, I was emotionally exhausted. I had enough. I took a moment to sit down and I thought about my dating life. I thought about all of the decisions I made in my past in regard to people I dated and in that instant, a light bulb went off. The inner voice in my head said…

No matter how mad this made my ego, my inner voice was right. I wouldn’t have been able to see or admit that to myself if I allowed myself to still be in the midst of the bullshit. But by that time I had removed myself. Don’t get me wrong, I was still angry. I was mad, I felt unappreciated and misunderstood and I began to believe that all the good people were either married, gay or in jail.

My inner guide (or whatever you choose to call it) was trying to get me to see that my major issue wasn’t the douche bags. My main issue was that for whatever reason, I picked them. In what I now call the ultimate surrender, I had to admit that the issue was me.

Now by no means am I saying that it’s ok to cheat, belittle, be selfish and treat people inappropriately. The douche bag cock suckers were wrong too. But their issues weren’t about me. Their issues were about them. If I hadn’t picked them, their actions wouldn’t have affected me.

So what I needed was the reasoning. Why did I continue to settle for people who didn’t deserve me? I was smart, beautiful, had big goals, grand aspirations and the determination to achieve it all but I’d date guys that sold drugs as their main “jobs,” guys who dropped out of high school and had no plans of completing their education, guys who were mean and angry and guys who cheated habitually. Now I’m not judging, everyone has their own journey but these were individuals who just didn’t match me.

So with all this being said, let me ask you something sweetie. Does this hit home for you? Are you a current dater hater because you are the common denominator?

(Puts hand under chin, cocks head to the right, lifts both eyebrows and patiently waits for an answer)

Until we meet again sweet sexy thangs,

Almostdating007

 

Help yourself to some Texas Tea ; )

Hey sweet peas! In this Vlog I’m bringing you up to speed on why I choose to Vlog, the trials of guiding others as well as myself and how I’ve grown sweetly on Texas tea. Enjoy my Enlightened @$$hole ☺! Put it on full screen so you can see, me so pretty lol.

This was in interesting experience to say the least. It’s one thing to put your words out in the atmosphere for all the world to hear but to add virtual physicality is a whole “notha” kind of experience.

Now you guys can see if I’m bullshitting you or telling the truth because I cannot hide my expressions lol. All and all I believe this will be truly amazing for both you and me!

Until next time my sweets,

Almostdating007

 

Breaking Up: The Blame Game

Breakups happen and there’s really nothing anyone can do about that. People rush into relationships based on how they feel about the person physically. People get into relationships prior to getting over others. People get into relationships before they’re ready to sacrifice being with other lovers. No matter the origin, when it’s over, it’s over; no matter who’s to blame.

Before I began this conscious journey of self-discovery, when I’d experience a breakup even if the guy was completely wrong, somehow secretly I’d blame it all on me. I knew I was a good person and in most things I did, I meant well but in the back of my heart, I’d tend to think he acted the way he did because He didn’t see me…

Most of the guys I’ve dated in my distant past were douche bags so if they didn’t take the time and effort to see the truly beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving, thoughtful, wonderful, sexy Me, why in the hell did I care? Why would I look down on myself? Well back then I was unaware that not seeing me was a commonality he and I shared.

Back then I didn’t see myself. Emotionally I was unhealed. If you read Loving Me, you’ll recall with most of these guys my heart was looking for the love I didn’t get from my daddy. So even when I’d get so hurt to where I felt like I couldn’t take anymore, he’d come crawling back saying all the “right” things and I’d open the damn door!

When your heart is unhealed, you live in little illusions and you don’t truly see shit for what it is, you see it for what you think it could be. So in my head, I was thinking he’d change, if he would only see me…not understanding that he didn’t even see his self.

A lot of people do this: We think when people see how good of a person we are, they’ll change their negative ways. But that’s a fallacy, it’s not reality. If anyone changes, they need to change for themselves and in their own space and time. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, gifted, if you shit gold bricks or if you can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue (I can do that btw, wink wink Sweetie), if he’s a dick that’s what he’s going to be, a dick. No matter how handsome you are, if you have a platinum penis, or if you wine and dine her, if her heart isn’t in the right place; she won’t change for you either.

Most times the way people act have nothing to do with you. There are millions of unhealed people walking this earth. A lot of them are still negatively affected by what their parents did or didn’t do. People are afraid to admit to themselves that they are hurting so why would they admit it to you. Most don’t even understand the emotions going on within them. So when the old pain is triggered, they blame it on you. They don’t want to heal or don’t understand that they need to. Introspection takes courage and besides that’s too much work. So hey here’s an easier route, let’s make you responsible for their lack of happiness and their issues.

I just saw a light bulb in someone’s mind go off. Does this sound like someone you know or is it you? Who needs a therapist when you’ve got me? F that, buy my book! ☺

But really, if they don’t appreciate who you are, sweetie you have to move on. You can’t just sit around waiting for them to change. Hurting people hurt people. Sounds clichè but its true…

And if you’re the one that’s doing the damage, you’ve got some work to do. If you continue to believe that you lack something you’ll remain unaware that the things you seek cannot be found in someone else. You’ll continue to play the blame game, blaming yourself for other people’s pain or blaming them for the healing absent within yourself.

But when you know better, you do better and the more you look within yourself, you’ll come to find that everything you need to be a better you is within you, you just have to be brave enough to look. If your intentions are good and your heart is true, the Universe will bless you with someone who deserves you. If you don’t believe me, buy my book. It says this too and we all know that everything in books is the TRUTH ☺.

Until we meet again my loves,

Almostdating007

(Photo Credit, Sexy Lightbulb: JG-Edits)