Breakups happen and there’s really nothing anyone can do about that. People rush into relationships based on how they feel about the person physically. People get into relationships prior to getting over others. People get into relationships before they’re ready to sacrifice being with other lovers. No matter the origin, when it’s over, it’s over; no matter who’s to blame.
Before I began this conscious journey of self-discovery, when I’d experience a breakup even if the guy was completely wrong, somehow secretly I’d blame it all on me. I knew I was a good person and in most things I did, I meant well but in the back of my heart, I’d tend to think he acted the way he did because He didn’t see me…
Most of the guys I’ve dated in my distant past were douche bags so if they didn’t take the time and effort to see the truly beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving, thoughtful, wonderful, sexy Me, why in the hell did I care? Why would I look down on myself? Well back then I was unaware that not seeing me was a commonality he and I shared.
Back then I didn’t see myself. Emotionally I was unhealed. If you read Loving Me, you’ll recall with most of these guys my heart was looking for the love I didn’t get from my daddy. So even when I’d get so hurt to where I felt like I couldn’t take anymore, he’d come crawling back saying all the “right” things and I’d open the damn door!
When your heart is unhealed, you live in little illusions and you don’t truly see shit for what it is, you see it for what you think it could be. So in my head, I was thinking he’d change, if he would only see me…not understanding that he didn’t even see his self.
A lot of people do this: We think when people see how good of a person we are, they’ll change their negative ways. But that’s a fallacy, it’s not reality. If anyone changes, they need to change for themselves and in their own space and time. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, gifted, if you shit gold bricks or if you can tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue (I can do that btw, wink wink Sweetie), if he’s a dick that’s what he’s going to be, a dick. No matter how handsome you are, if you have a platinum penis, or if you wine and dine her, if her heart isn’t in the right place; she won’t change for you either.
Most times the way people act have nothing to do with you. There are millions of unhealed people walking this earth. A lot of them are still negatively affected by what their parents did or didn’t do. People are afraid to admit to themselves that they are hurting so why would they admit it to you. Most don’t even understand the emotions going on within them. So when the old pain is triggered, they blame it on you. They don’t want to heal or don’t understand that they need to. Introspection takes courage and besides that’s too much work. So hey here’s an easier route, let’s make you responsible for their lack of happiness and their issues.
I just saw a light bulb in someone’s mind go off. Does this sound like someone you know or is it you? Who needs a therapist when you’ve got me? F that, buy my book! ☺
But really, if they don’t appreciate who you are, sweetie you have to move on. You can’t just sit around waiting for them to change. Hurting people hurt people. Sounds clichè but its true…
And if you’re the one that’s doing the damage, you’ve got some work to do. If you continue to believe that you lack something you’ll remain unaware that the things you seek cannot be found in someone else. You’ll continue to play the blame game, blaming yourself for other people’s pain or blaming them for the healing absent within yourself.
But when you know better, you do better and the more you look within yourself, you’ll come to find that everything you need to be a better you is within you, you just have to be brave enough to look. If your intentions are good and your heart is true, the Universe will bless you with someone who deserves you. If you don’t believe me, buy my book. It says this too and we all know that everything in books is the TRUTH ☺.
Until we meet again my loves,
(Photo Credit, Sexy Lightbulb: JG-Edits)