People tend to take advantage of the misconception that we always have more time. We wait to do things. We procrastinate. We put our happiness on hold. We put our desires on the back burner and we often leave them there. We accomplish milestones in our lives and tell ourselves that we’ll celebrate later. I used to be a victim of “later” but the more I learned to love myself, the more I understood that I deserved to live and love now. If not right now, when?
Tiffany Michellé ✌
I’m currently reading one of my favorite books for the 3rd time, The Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz. I highly recommend it to anyone who desires to see a heightened and an effective perspective about love of self and others.
In the chapter, entitled The Wounded Mind, a question is posed,
“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”
This question never stuck out to me in my previous reads as it did today. The word relationship derives from the word relate, meaning to interact realistically and/or an ability to relate emotionally to others.
Let’s venture off for just a moment…
Earlier this year, I began to experience a shift. As a person who consistently felt as if the cosmos was pulling me into relationship after relationship, imagine my surprise when I began to have no desire to “relate” with men. Every time I pictured being with a man, I would experience immediate nausea (it still happens). One would think because I’m bisexual this wouldn’t bother me but I began to feel very afraid. Perhaps this was my inner self somehow indicating that I no longer desired men and therefore I’d solely desire women. That would be ok for some but not for me. See, I like options; I always have. Although being attracted to both sexes has been strenuous at times, I love the way I am. I feel perfectly balanced. I like the way I help others gain perspective being that I’m so open, nonjudgmental and unbiased.
As a conscious person, I seldom go outside of myself for answers. I tend to go within to seek answers in regard to my emotions, thoughts and my actions. So instead of continuing to be scared without taking action, I began to self-analyze.
A Conversation with self:
Self: When did this begin?
Me: After the last relationship ended.
Self: But even after the relationship ended you had to have had a slight sexual desire for men because you participated in a single sextracurricular activity.
Me: After that, I felt NOTHING.
What the hell was going on? Why was I going through this?
After a while, I just accepted it. I’d see attractive people and my spidey senses would tingle but the nausea would come immediately after. Imagine my dismay; imagine the mayhem going on inside of my mind and my body. I felt like I’d been bamboozled, run amuck, we didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us! (If you don’t know that line, #killyoself)
Alright so let’s go back to the question:
“How can you relate with people who are emotionally wounded and sick with fear?”
Nothing in regard to dating made 100% sense during this shift. But the moment I read that question, clarity rang from the heavens. I am not single because I’m not attractive, intimidating, too picky, undeserving, too big, too little, too black, too tall, too smart or too different. After I read that question, it was simple. I am single because the people I meet relate to things that are for entertainment purposes only; things that lack meaning. Most of the guys haven’t been thinkers or readers. They’re caught up in the illusion and completed distracted. Growth to them isn’t about self-love, self-reliance, introspection and etc. Being successful is equated to how much money they have, how many women they can have sex with, how big their houses are and what kind of car they drive; without these things, they feel like they are nothing. I am single because I can’t relate.
I now know that this wasn’t a sexual shift I’ve been experiencing. This is much more than my getting nauseated at the thought of relations with a man. This was about my being so disgusted by my past counterparts who were emotionally wounded and sick with fear that I unknowingly developed a psychosomatic defense mechanism. The nausea was a safeguard. As I think back and am truly honest, I fell weak after my last relationship. I sunk very low within myself. Something within me had to protect me until I could do it on my own. I am now emotionally healed and I live fearlessly once again.
Until next time,
Tiffany
the background
So I got back on the dating scene about a month ago. Although my wants have changed, no longer desiring a serious relationship, the buffoonery of the dating scene is the same.
the scene
Ring…Ring.
Almostdating007: hey you, what’s up?
him: hey gorgeous, wyd?
Almostdating007: hanging out with my cousin.
him: that’s what up. well I’m off today and I’m barbecuing. why don’t you come over?
Almostdating007: alright cool, I’m omw.
Mind you, this is my 1st time meeting this guy. I pull into his apartment building which I notice is a little hood but I give him a complimentary pass because I understand shit happens. I text him, “I’m here” and he comes outside. Luckily he looked like his picture with the exception of THE slight I’ve been catfished BELLY he had going on. I stepped through his door and I am standing in the threshold of some serious disappointing shit.
5 Dating Etiquette Tips for Guys
Let us begin:
After his open display of confusing homophobic tendencies, I couldn’t take it anymore. I texted my cousin and asked him to call me in 5 minutes and fake like he had an emergency. When I was getting into my car, he says please don’t forget to call me. I laughed.
Until next time my sweet little pleasure holes,
Tiffany Michellé aka Almostdating007
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You’ve prayed for it
Felt incomplete without it
Experienced envy of it
Yearned for it more than your breath
Without it you were on the brink of death
Short of it, you have nothing left
I feel compelled to ask. Are you really ready for love? Are you prepared for the helplessness that hits you like a flash of lightning in a thunderstorm? Are you emotionally equipped with what it takes to be in love? You state you desire love but are you ready?
When I met you, you were the prototype of a woman. You were strong and well put together. You had an essence that was attractive and your energy pulled me without effort. The sway in your walk would make anyone salivate. You were tantalizing. But even the stoutest woman will quake in unexpected submission when she falls in love. Especially if I’ve made her back arch and her toes curl. It will be the scariest thing she’s ever experienced. If she isn’t prepared, it will not only sweep her off her feet; it will cause her to lose her most precious possession, herself. She’ll find herself questioning her security, doubting her most innermost thoughts; she will feel powerless.
This is when most partners begin to see a woman they didn’t see before and sometimes it will push them away. Why? Because everything that you were before has been either tucked away and forgotten or it was washed away because it wasn’t real in the first place.
Once the L word has been spoken if a person is insecure, the nagging begins. The mistrust begins. The overthinking begins. It’s like you can’t help yourself and you don’t know why. Let me let you in on a little secret. All of these are symptoms from the vulnerability a person begins to experience after they fall in love or gain great feelings for another individual. Once you fall in love, if you are not complete within yourself, all of the insecurities you tried to hide or were unaware of, will make themselves shown, front line and center. And they will hit you and your partner like a freight train going south. Your once “caught up” partner will go west and if your internal issues are not addressed you will remain smack dap in the middle…stagnant.
Most people didn’t receive classes on confidence while in grade school nor in college. Most were not taught about love and relationships from their parents or elders. Most people aren’t cognizant in regard to dealing with themselves, let alone dealing intimately with someone else. A certain level of buoyancy is needed when dealing with love in relationships, especially when sex is involved and most people are not equipped for this. Most learn from experience, some don’t learn at all and if you find someone who’s willing to take the journey of finding yourself without judgment or ridicule successfully and devoid of insanity, you are a fortunate and rare person.
The best gift you can give yourself is honesty. Looking at yourself from the inside out might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it can also be the most worthwhile. No one wants to admit they are not superwoman but instead they’re human. As women, we have been taught we always have to be strong, first for others and then for ourselves but that’s bullshit. Despite what’s going on in life, you must stop and take the time to look in the mirror at your innermost vulnerable self and ask, are you really ready for love or do you need to learn how to truly love yourself?
Love is
free and beautiful
Love is
peace and patience
Love is
all things good.
Until next time,
So you’re single and looking. You’re on every free dating site known to man. You bring yourself to get out of the house and you attend as many community events as your schedule allows. You put on your big girl panties and try speed dating. You’re really making a conscious effort to think outside of the box. You go on dates with people you’re not attracted to, just in case they have a cute friend. You’re determined to find someone or allow them to find you.
After a series of unfortunate affairs, you meet someone! They are unquestionably fabulous! They’re stunning, smart and sexy. They’re absolutely everything you listed in your “what I want in a mate” journal.
The catch: One day while having blissful conversation, they drop the “F” bomb in your lap!
“I’m not looking for a relationship; I’m only interested in being FRIENDS.”
You act as if you’re ok with it but inside you really feel like someone just stole your brand new cute little fluffy puppy or came in 30 seconds, whichever is worse. You just met but you felt like this could develop into something beautiful being that they’re everything you want. If they asked, you would’ve totally thrown out every precaution and walked down the aisle followed by a lifetime of sweet, sweaty, sensual and in some states illegal, sexual escapades.
In that exact moment, there’s a vital opportunity to practice an ultimate act of self-actualization. You could respond, “Ok well, I AM seeking a relationship and I’d rather get to know someone who has the same goal,” BUT you don’t. You go along with what you don’t want. You put your desires on the back burner. You continue getting to know them, knowing you’re totally attracted to them, you want more than a friendship with them and they don’t want the same. In the back of your head you’re thinking, “If they get to know me and see how wonderful I am, they’ll change their mind” and your heart suffers continuing to long for something that isn’t there.
Until next time my sweet little pumpkin nutty balls,
Tiffany Michellé
Photo Credit: Just another painting sexy man. by ~aenaluck on deviantART
Some shit just doesn’t work out. Every relationship isn’t meant to go on forever. Sometimes experiences occur solely to teach us something about ourselves. It doesn’t meant you need to question your self-worth. You’re enough, but you must believe it.
Until next time my sweet little suga dumplings,
Tiffany Michellé
I can’t recall the exact day but one day in September 2014, I decided that I was going to focus on love. Not giving it, I’ve been doing that all of my life without a vacation. I planned to focus on being at the receiving end. I decided that I’d invite love in, but not just any love, I planned to manifest the perfect love for me. I decided to eat, sleep, sing and write only about love. I would’ve shitted love if I could lol #ewww. I’d only pay attention to love.
Now this might sound simple to you. It wasn’t. I’m a busy woman. I’m a self made entrepreneur. I had business to take care of but that business had to wait because I’d grown tired of waiting. The t-shirt design production would have to wait. The book would have to collect dust. Everything that wasn’t directly related to my receiving love was placed on the back end of my consciousness. I disabled my Facebook and other select social media networks. I decided (the death of all other options, thanks Frantonia Pollins) to focus.
So I created yet another profile on a well-known online dating site. I kept my Instagram open because I needed an outlet to write about love. I have a firm understanding that “you get what you give” so I knew if I talked to love by way of my writing through my heart, it’d eventually start talking back. So that’s exactly what I did. Every piece was about love. No matter how many inspirational and motivational writings came to mind, I didn’t write them down. I only put pen to paper if my thoughts were about el amour.
The journey…
If you’ve ever been on any online dating site, you have come to understand that they give you a serious depiction of the fact that the world is full of idiots. It’s sad but the shit is true. If you had any doubt, online dating sites will prove to you that stupid people exist in supreme magnitude. Even though this is fact, I didn’t allow my short lived idiotic experiences to deter me from my goal. You might recall my dating challenge. During that time, I went out on a date even if I really didn’t like the guy. It was about numbers and getting to know the woman in me. This was not that. I didn’t even waste my time or my keystrokes with anyone I wasn’t feeling. I politely dismissed them was this shindig right here… My Dear John aka Jerome letter: 
Yup I sure did. I clicked send, kept it pushing and I didn’t look back. I was focused babies. A few times I even expanded my search to out of towners that lived in the states I would consider moving to. I’d do that for about a week and then I’d bring it back home. I didn’t waste my time in too much textual conversation. If I got the feeling, I’d slide him my number. See, I need to hear a man’s voice to see if I’m attracted. I’m not into men with feeble voices. I’m stubborn. When I get out of line, I need a man with some bass in his tone to reel me back in.
Unfortunately, I had one bad experience. I had a stalker. He played sane but he wasn’t even close to that. I ended up having to block his text, calls, emails and I thanked baby Buddha over and over that he didn’t know where I lived. I deleted my profile for about 2 weeks but then I refocused and began again.
I got to the point to where my options were so plentiful; I could’ve gone out on a date every night for the rest of the year if I wanted to. Not to toot my own horn but I’m tooting my own horn lol. In spite of my plentiful choices, I narrowed my picks to two gentlemen. They were totally opposite of one another. One’s skin was light, one was dark, one was younger than me, the other was older than me, he was from the west coast, he was from the east, one had kids, the other had none, one was a good boy, and the other had a bad boy edge. One thing they did have in common was they both worked out, had sexy athletic bodies, were tall and both had nice deep voices.
What was a girl to do right? Well one of them made it really easy for me. He did something that the other one didn’t do. He knew something that the other didn’t. He had it. And IT was focus. He knew what he wanted and he knew who he wanted. He paid attention and he made time. He wanted me and him wanting me and not being afraid to show it made it easy for me to figure out that I wanted him too. After the decision was made, everything fell into place. I won’t give you all of the juicy details but I can tell you this. FOCUS!!!! By my focusing on receiving love, I attracted a man into my atmosphere that primarily focuses on giving it back to me (in multiple ways whew!).
So at the end of the day sweet babies, listen to me: If you know what you want and you’re sure you want it, don’t allow anything to get in your way. You might have to place some things on the back burner in order to put yourself first. Imagine, if some of us put as much focus into receiving intimate love than we put into making money, building our careers, helpings others and etc., we probably would’ve received the love we seek long ago. Think on it. Love on it.
Until next time my sweet little monkey nutts,
Tiffany Michellé
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Inspiring Times with Tiffany Michellé 💋♥☺ 