Tag Archives: cheating

Sex, old folks, noodles and shit…

2Crossed legsLove Challenge: Keep your legs closed for at least 90 days and see how things change.

I posted this “Love Challenge” on my Facebook wall last night before bed. I wasn’t really challenging anyone, I just called it that for shits and giggles but I woke up with mixed comments and several likes.

Here are some of the replies:

  • Are you joking? Or is this real?
  • Oh a lot changes when you remove sex from the equation you really get to know the person.
  • No thanks! I’m married with young children. Gotta take it when it happens. Lol
  • CTFU I made it and then some!!!
  • I couldn’t go 90 days in any situation! I blame it on the Taurus in me! Lol seriously I understand the concept, just never worked for me, I tried some years ago and I would break my own rule!
  • I lasted 8 months one time. It was rough.

Sex is a technical relation, the male and female organs were made to fit one another but it’s not an intimate connection. If it were, you’d still feel deeply connected to everyone you’ve had sex with.

(You’re obviously not because there are folks who you slept with and to this day you can’t even remember their names lol.)

People often mistake intimacy with sex but intimacy can be felt without any form of sexual experience. It’s a connection, a bodiless bond between two people. It’s an affectionate correlation that no one outside of your relationship can break. Imagine if you had a connection so strong with your partner that you could feel them when they weren’t there. Imagine if you could conceive orgasms without physical touch. Now that’d be deep, wouldn’t it? That’d be some serious shit!

A person who quickly replies “No” to abstinence without even thinking intrigues me because they’ve convinced their mind that their genitals rule them.

Romantically, I don’t trust anyone who thinks they’re addicted to sex or anything else. Lack of control is not attractive to me. “And I’m not just the Hair Club President, I’m a client too!” Lol, Sorry I’m just random. I’ve been abstinent since January. (My longest was 9 months) This run might not seem like a long time to you but for me, it’s a big deal!

How come, you ask? Because it’s made dating less emotional and therefore easier for me. I don’t find myself rushing and I don’t allow my feelings to guide me. I don’t know about guys but ladies if you keep it real with yourself, I know you feel me, we’re some emotional beings. We get attached quickly after sex. Wanna hear a joke? What do lesbians bring to a second date? Answer: a U-haul. I can laugh because I’m part Native American, French, Lesbian and Black. Bwhahhaha

Back in the day, I could “love em and leave em” but I’m not the beast I used to be.

This isn’t just about not having sex, it’s about seeing beyond what your eyes can see and feeling beyond what your hands can feel. This is about reaching for something more, something deeper, something beyond physicality, and something that would establish an invisible and intimate connection between you and yourself and therefore you and your current or future partner. Sometimes we allow to get so jaded by sex; we completely ignore the fact that we have absolutely nothing worthwhile with a person. What happens when we get old, I mean really freaking old. That your shit is shriveled up kind of old and limp like Asian noodles old. Sex doesn’t create longevity. You better have something else to go on…

Until we meet again my little freaky bastards,


Check out this post on sexual and aural energy…it’s interesting.

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Posted by on March 26, 2014 in Dating, Life


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So you say you’re a side chick…

So you say you’re a side chick…

With a few minutes left for V Day on the West Coast, I’m sitting on the counter of my kitchen with my glass of wine, chocolate covered strawberries, sporting my Chuck Taylors and I’m thinking. So with these thoughts in mind, I’ll give you this…

No one is worth being unhappy for just to say you have someone on any day. Many times I’ve seen someone knowingly settle for less than they deserve just to feel the illusion of completeness. I’ve done it and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere and it hasn’t stopped being sad and sickening that we waste our time and effort being unhappy.

As I watched the facebook posts today I saw so many downing the “side chick,” you know the woman that a man keeps on the side despite him being in a relationship. I found the ridicule sad because I don’t find other people’s pain to be comical or something to be made fun of. When it comes down to it, there’s something emotionally out of wack with a person who chooses to set their happiness to the side or throw it completely out of the picture for any reason, let alone someone else. There’s a deeper issue there and instead of ridicule, those individuals need to learn how to practice self love until it becomes like breathing. They need guidance not harsh words.

I pride myself for making great strides and changes within myself. Letting go of toxic relationships and not allowing the selfish tendencies of others to guilt or hinder me. But I might not have been able to get to this point without help. Help from friends and family that love me and from my life coach. They say it takes a village to raise a child but sometimes it takes that same village to help an adult when the child in them is still suffering from emotional scars that have neglected to heal.

So with 0 minutes left on this Valentine’s Day, I want to send some love to the side chicks. I was once where you are and I hope with all of my heart:
That one day soon you’ll realize your worth!
That you’ll believe that you’re a truly amazing human being!
That you deserve to be treated like a queen!
That you deserve to be a priority and not just an option!
That you’ll put yourself first in your life instead of settling for second place in someone else’s!
That you deserved to heal and you deserve to be truly happy!

Much love my sistah and good luck…

Until Next Time,


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Posted by on February 15, 2014 in Dating, Life


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